Better Happens

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ralph waldo emerson

Ever wonder how to tweak your life to make it even better than it already is? No need to struggle - just allow "better" to happen.

There are those bumper stickers that say 'SHIT HAPPENS'? What that is all about, for me, is a twisted way of going with the flow and allowing the world to leave it's tire tracks all over your back. My bumper sticker or T-shirt reads 'BETTER HAPPENS'!

Both these silly statements are confirmations that without much effort the flow of things, how your life unfolds in this present moment, is inevitable. Both are true. What I find most interesting is...which one we find easiest to believe!

Don't we have a choice in the matter?

Tag You're It!

Deep Inside the Darkness is Light

"As long as you do not know what you are experiencing inside, you are asleep in your life, even though you may think you are very awake." ~gary zukav 

Protection has got me thinking and feeling small. Rejection is fresh and overt as I begin to date again. It is harder than I thought it would be after losing my husband to illness almost 3 years ago.

I have done the work. I have opened myself up and have reaped many rewards - brand new friendships, awesome new experiences and a boat load of new emotions & feelings. But it seems there is still more work to do. Alas as I drill down even more deeply I am finding more growing... and more pain. 

There is this idea lurking deep down inside me that no one will ever love me again the way my husband loved me. The way we loved each other. And perhaps, I have to admit, I will never love again the way I loved him.

Does this mean all my efforts so far are useless? Or am I just arrived at yet another level for potential healing? 

My experience tells me I must allow these deep feelings a voice. I acknowledged these feelings as I watched them express themselves sideways as my own self-judgement and tears. 

Reflecting on these ideas, "my truths," makes way for new beliefs to take hold. I acknowledge "these truths" may not be so true so I can cleanse myself of limiting beliefs.

And most importantly, I acknowledge these "truths" so I may move forward with love and compassion for my predicament and towards new better ways that serve my deepest desire for amazement, freedom and joy this year!

Jack Kornfield says, "Wise spiritual practice requires that we actively address the pain and conflict of our life." 

Like a spring bulb I must want to grow to break through the mud and earth toward my newly blossoming self! Just did not figure it would hurt so much...again.

What light is hidden from you by the dark?

Tag, You're It!

APRIL'S FOOL - and Every Other Month for that Matter!

“The words you speak become the house you live in.” ~Hafiz

It happened again.

I felt really small again and all my accomplishments-to-date were negated by my judgemental mind. I cannot tell you how it started. All I know is one minute I was having a great day then I felt it melt away. It wasn't a crash and burn situation. It felt more like a slow insidious termite infestation that you don't know about until your foot breaks threw the kitchen floor.

As my firm foundation crumbled my confidence morphed into doubt and 2nd guessing. THINKING these things stopped my forward motion. It was then that my THOUGHTS lasso'd my EMOTIONS. And my emotions then took over and hog-tied me but good!

Eventually I recognized it. Then I fought it

Then, after shedding some tears, I placed all this energy fully and gently in the light of my own LOVE and COMPASSION.

…and then I was large and limitless once again!


What is your bounce back strategy?

Tag You're It!

Renewed Willingness

"Freedom is available at anytime to anyone - and so is captivity." 

~martha beck

Renewing my heart's willingness to Love is my next task at hand. Here are some of my limiting beliefs... 

How do I fathom such a thing? 

Where does one heart end and another leave off? 

What kind of trial must I go through before allowing myself to love again? 

When will I know it is OK? 

Why am I making this so hard?

Today's Super-Equinox-Eclipse-Moon may be exactly the moment I have been looking for...or just another March 20th? It is said to be a profound time for new beginnings. Some claim the energy today is favorable for letting go of what no longer serves us and embarking on new and exciting journeys. 

And all I have to do is decide!


What limiting beliefs are you operating from?

Tag You're It!

Becoming Wide and Open

"Your beliefs become your thoughts 

Your thoughts become your words
Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits
Your habits become your character
Your character becomes your destiny"

~mohandas ghandi

There is an energy that is spoiling my peace. It crackles and shifts the silence within me. And deep down and all through everything I know - I know this energy is good.

Even though I feel nauseated by its unusual character and unfamiliar tones. Even though I know nothing about what is to come. Even though I feel afraid...I am willing to endure the uncertainty of cascading next events because deep down and all through everything I know - I know this energy is good.

I am opening to the changes of Spring.

I am open to the casting off of my cocoon. 

I am open to the emerging of my new me. 

I am open to the merging of the flows - the flow of my soul's river with the flow of the rhythms of the world. 

I am open to the merging of the flows because I know deep down and all through everything I feel - this merging is good.  

I am wide open.

Tag You're It!

Peace From Wanting

"Normally, the test of greatness in the arts is the ability to state deep feelings and perceptions simply, clearly, and well. Indeed, it may well be said that until a person can express a thought clearly and simply, he hasn't yet fully understood it himself.” ~ Swami Kriyananda, from the book 'Art as a Hidden Message' 

We are all artists because we are always creating. 

This is my own simple prayer...

"I want everything I have. 

I have all I need. 

This is my very own peace."

What words do you use to create peace within yourself?

Tag You're It!

Don't Postpone Joy

Today I am here...

"Picture in your inner eye, your inner sight, four avocado seeds on the window sill. Three are suspended in a glass of water and have sprouted. One is still dry and papery and brown. Each of the sprouting seeds has its own character. One has two long roots, like two rubbery legs folding around each other in the bottom of the glass. Out of the top rises a cluster of tiny seedling leaves, and surprisingly, on this one, these leaves are white -- little tight white albino avocado seedling leaves, coming out of that big hard seed knob. Another has one short straight root and one straight shoot bearing green leaves at the top. The third has neither root nor shoot, but the whole seed has been split open by a thrust from inside, and the two halves shoved apart by the germinating seed force -- that little bunch of stuff, big as the end of your pinkie, shoving those big doors aside like a tiny Samson. It is a wonderful sight. And now let us look at the fourth seed, dry and papery and brown, nothing showing on the outside. But within are a life force and a living plantness which we cannot see with our ordinary eyes. If we are to behold the wrinkled old seed in truth, we have to behold it with imagination, with our inner eye. Only with the inner eye of imagination can we see inner forms of Being and Becoming. In this lifeless-looking seed there is a germinating center, totally alive and totally invisible."~ from The Crossing Point Selected Talks and Writings by M C Richards

I am the fourth seed today - "dry and papery and brown, nothing showing on the outside." I know when it is time I will robustly broadcast my own special leafy self - wide and tall and full. And I too will bear fruit which will bear seeds that will in turn bear fruit and so on and so on...

Knowing this is power. 

In the meantime I am NOT willing to postpone Joy until I sprout. For it is Joy that nourishes me. Yes - no matter the stage or state of my germination I will nourish Joy.

What do you nourish within yourself?

Tag You're It! 

Don't Be Alarmed

Don't be alarmed. A poem written at a time of strong feeling is a good thing...for me. It expresses itself so I can get on with the day. This to shall pass.

Desolation

Parched, cracked and dry.

Formidable aching crunches me into tiny pieces like sand.

Alone, without, encumbered, unfrequented and grief stricken.

Near the rim of Death deserted flowers survive.

Quarterly it rains and hope saves seeds for safe keeping.

But no blossoms bloom here.

Desolation and dust insubstantially drifting

denying life.

Coming to my rescue 

the rain of my tears.

Healing slowly,

slowly, slowly, S-L-O-W-L-Y.

How do you move from Darkness to the Light?

Tag You're It!

The Bigger Picture May Be Hard to Swallow

"It’s like Mahatma Gandhi gets put in jail and they give him a lice-infested uniform and tell him to clean the latrines, and it’s a whole mess. And he walks up to the head of the guards and he says, in total truth, “Thank you.” He’s not putting them on or up-leveling them. He’s saying, “There’s a teaching here, and I’m getting it; thank you.” ~ ram dass

I have come to know that in most cases the experience I am having at any given moment is just one piece of it All. And I also know I will never fully understand the entire nature of how and why different things manifest into and out of my life. Knowing this is the cornerstone of Unconditional Trust. I hope you won't find this hard to swallow.

What is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude?

To become aware that all is well no matter your present circumstance is to experience Unconditional Trust. Actively living Unconditional Trust frees up thoughts and feelings from fear and lack and doubt and let's them soar toward compassion, wonder and new possibilities.

Having experienced loss on a grand scale (the death of my husband) and now more recently in several much smaller ways - a broken necklace, a busted computer, and the real loss of a job - I see there has been a shift. In the past my response to the sudden upsetting of my apple cart was sadness, anger or fear of future or failure. Within this new paradigm my response is that of the witness. I am more reflective. 

I catch myself before things get too far gone. I stop and question the truth of the thing. I look for real places where I can be grateful as life conspires to grow me up. And the best thing is the more I shepard myself toward this new knowing the more automatic it becomes. 

One by one I consciously wash away these reflexive emotionally charged situations and replace them with gratitude. Some may see this as giving up or giving in.  I am not giving up, I am getting on with it! This is an acceptance of what is and an active form of compassion for myself and all others. 

Conditions I see in front of me are only one piece of it. I experience Peace knowing this. So what is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude? 

I think they are the same thing...

What do you think?

Tag You're It!

Love & Power

I will give you my love, but I will not give you my power. I never made that distinction before! They are not the same and cleaving them like this feels true and right. 

For a brief moment I thought I had to get permission to love. But then I came to understand there is no need as love is a giving. 

And so, bringing with it Freedom and Joy I can say, "I love you." I can give you my love, but I do not have to give you my power. 

This kind of Love is no longer a makeshift lean-to, an add on or a form of currency. This kind of Love has a broad and sturdy foundation and is not subject to storms and high winds. It is upon this kind of Love anything can be built. And that "anything" can stand for eons. I am replete.

Got any revelations of your own?

Tag You're It!

A meditation on Beauty

Look at the beauty all around you. Or just look at one thing that is beautiful to you. Really take note of each bit and piece of the thing that is beauty to you. 

Now - close your eyes and recreate the thing - see the shape and the texture and the variations of color and hue. Breathe softly in and out as you carefully review all the bits and pieces. Take your time. Don't miss a thing.

And finally - feel the beauty. Become it if you are able. Breathe softly and notice the sensations of beauty as they arise within you. Allow yourself the option to invent and then have these sensations. Feel it. Notice yourself feeling it. Then feel it again. Let go and float inside the beauty.

These sensations are just as real as the thing you admired as beautiful. Only now they are part of you. You ARE the beauty. 

Just a thought. Give it a try!

Tag You're It!

A Call to the Universe

So I am having fun and they all say, "Just follow your passions and life will find you!" But I still have that longing, that requirement to be intimately engaged with one other person. To be joyfully entwined with them and all their interesting foibles and have them lovingly entwined with me and all my curious faults.

Why do I want to be peas to some one's carrots? 

Because I know there is soooooo much joy and laughter in this kind of sharing and caring for another. Yes, there will be challenges too, but for the personality that I am, there is nothing in this life that beats this kind of experience. And I want more of it. I want lightning to strike twice. I want a correction made in my path that allows this intimate experience to come directly to me. Do not pass go. Do no collect 200 dollars.

I also know this is how we grow. I know perceived foibles of the other leads us toward discovering our own truths. Yes - although our perceived faults may at times be spot on, they are more often than not guideposts toward something needing recognition within ourselves.

And I know that even when the object of this relationship departs, the Love shared remains forever. This I know for sure.

So it is this kind of circumstance I long for... dare I say it... a love relationship. There are just so many opportunities for such a variety of adventures on a daily basis! Doesn't this excite you?  Well, perhaps it doesn't you, but for me it is pure heaven.

The puzzle of loving someone has an unlimited number of pieces. And I am ready to spread them out on the table and slowly and carefully discover life's biggest picture together. Ah yes, please bring my spiritual partner to me so we can pick up the pieces together.

Of course, the alternative to this kind of experience is to just continue to follow my own passions & have loads of fun. Now these are two very good choices I can get behind! No rocks. No hard places. Just life naturally unfolding with ease, along with Spring, allowing both the sun and the rain to grow me up! 

Have you a longing that needs a more refined definition?

Tag You're It!

Asking the Mask a Few Questions

Where did you come from - this mask of mine? Are you planning on staying long? What purpose do you serve? Can I see underneath? How many others do I allow to peek? 

When you showed up was I aware of your coming or did you slide slowly onto my face as lichen attaches to shale living out it's life near a stream? 

Does your crust build up until all that is me becomes flat and featureless? Or are you so thinly layed down that the slightest breeze produces puffs of me floating on air? Perhaps our husks wax and wane according to circumstance? 

Today I honor this mask of mine however it came into being. It is born of me. It is a real appendage. It is made in my image and faces forward out into the world.

Whether I chose this mask or it just happened upon me, now that I am conscious of it's being I can use it how I like when I like and where I like. For it is part of who I am...and who I am not.

What purpose does your mask serve?

Tag You're It!

Valentine's Day

I do not fit snugly into a world built on principles of clock time and corporeal senses alone. I may appear eccentric if I write about things like "straddling eternity." But it is in the effemera I feel most hardy. My strength seems to build upon itself in the light of my spirit. 

What do I do with this new found thing - this core within -which consists only of sweet air, energy and feeling? This thing that has no structure or mass, no handles to grasp, no parts to which I can point? How do I manage to live a life based from an open heart?

I am coming to know when my heart throbs and feels weighty I am tapped into this thing. This actual heaviness in my chest is confirmation for me. It lets me know "this is important." It seems my body can tell me when I am here connecting to whatever this is - my Truth.

I am building strength toward being more awake and available. I look forward to the day this is, if not an automatic, at least a familiar response. In this way, perhaps I can then manage to live more often from this place - a place of higher love. In this way, I figure then every day will be Valentine's Day.

Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day!

Tag You're It!

Tête-à-Tête

"Beauvoir lent Maheu a recent English novel she had enjoyed, The Green Hat, by Michael Arlen. She admired its independent heroine, Iris Storm. Maheu did not. 'I have no liking for women of easy virtue,' he told her. 'Much as I like a woman to please me, I find it impossible to respect any woman I've had.' Beauvoir was indignant. 'One does not HAVE an Iris Storm!"

Oh how I enjoy radiant and robust tete-a-tete between two people! It's all an illusion you know - even the good stuff. When I got that, a hard place to get to by the way, I felt a brief moment of peace. 

When I experience flow, when I am in it without observing or over thinking - eternity is at hand. I am awake. It is only as I move to another moment which interrupts that little hop in my step and makes me look behind, I SEE I was happy and myself again back there, in that place with those people in that circumstance. God that felt good!

Increasing these moments, my awareness of them and their duration really should be a priority. But alas, I have no real control. But I can recognize that they do happen now and again and live in their mist and love that they exist. I can allow joy and peace and love into my life. I can set the mark by my intentions. How they manifest is not my concern.

To joy and my journey forward - effortlessly allowing what is. Like ice cream, moments melt away too quickly. But the ice cream man will ring his bell again and all us kids will come running to greet his truck, money in hand ready again to purchase... Pure Happiness.

"Don't think of yourself as an intestinal tract and a tangle of nerves in the skull, that will not work unless you drink coffee. Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers... Think if Tiffany's made a mosquito, how wonderful we would think it was!"
~ Brenda Ueland 
 

Don't think of yourself as an intestinal tract and tangle of nerves in the skull, that will not work unless you drink coffee. Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers.... Think if Tiffany's made a mosquito, how wonderful we would think it was!
Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/dont_think_of_yourself_as_an_intestinal_tract#ATk7wE2IMraOoQMK.99

Don't think of yourself as an intestinal tract and tangle of nerves in the skull, that will not work unless you drink coffee. Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers.... Think if Tiffany's made a mosquito, how wonderful we would think it was!

Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/dont_think_of_yourself_as_an_intestinal_tract#ATk7wE2IMraOoQMK.99

Don't think of yourself as an intestinal tract and tangle of nerves in the skull, that will not work unless you drink coffee. Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers.... Think if Tiffany's made a mosquito, how wonderful we would think it was!

Read more at http://quotes.dictionary.com/dont_think_of_yourself_as_an_intestinal_tract#ATk7wE2IMraOoQMK.99"

Why not choose happiness?

Tag You're It!

Square 1

I am hoping this day finds you well and well loved in your lovely abode. I wrote this about one year ago. Seems appropriate to revisit it for I am feeling like I am here again - at square 1 - today.

February 10, 2013

I am approaching the beginning of week 3 of experiment Lani. I am finding that a planned activity  - just one mind you - for each day is a must have.

It allows the illusion of accomplishment.

And lends structure. I choose this "task" before going to bed the nite before. 

And I have optional tasks I can add if the mood suits. The objective is to keep  moving toward my goal - at a pace that fits me well, leaving room for flexibility and miracles.

What is my goal, you may be asking yourself? I ask myself this regularly because I ache to move on, Beats me! "Healing" comes to mind. I wish I had more clarity, but it is not to be at this time. "Ask again later," says the magic 8 Ball that has become my life. Not so bad really, just different than before.

Different than before my husband got sick. Different than before I helped my husband die. Different than before I quit my job. Different than before I was forced to look within because everything without is so... so... different.

January 22, 2014

A few things have changed. Most days I let flow w/o needing to accomplish something. I sometimes have multiple tasks per day and I sometimes have no tasks and am accepting of this.

I have an inkling I am going to teach again, but the initial enthusiasm is meeting with some resistance...more will be revealed! I have built in some external supports to help me along...but sure could use more support!

What is the same is the knowledge that everything is definitely different than I have ever known before.

Viva la difference - perhaps?

How are you different from a year ago?

Tag You're It!

Emotions are like Black & White Cookies

Have you ever had a Black and White cookie? It is the official baked good of Manhattan and perhaps some places in New Jersey as well. It is a soft cake-like cookie the size of a newborn's head. On top it is iced with both a chocolate and vanilla icing and has a striking hard edged line down the middle where the two icings meet. And I just LOVE them!

When you get one in your hand you get to choose how you are going to attack it. You get to have a bite of the chocolate and then the vanilla. Or you can eat all one side then the other. Or perhaps your desire is for balance and take your first bite right down the middle. It is a fun dessert that offers joy no matter how you receive the cookie into your mouth. Both the dark and light parts.

If we could only experience our emotions this way.

My emotions tell me how things are. But they are not the tellers of the whole truth. They are simply our good messengers. I have come to know when I am able to welcome ANY emotion this way, I am able to feel it and be witness to it at the same time. In the past I suffered from confusion - thinking I WAS my emotions. I think this is because we feel our emotions throughout our bodies. This uber proximity is what got me confused!

Now I think of emotions as electrical charges. They are ignited to show me something. And they naturally run their course then go away. When I allow it, I can open up and look underneath my emotion. This way l can know myself better. And when I know myself better the rest of IT ALL falls into place with ease. Of this I am sure…I am the cake and emotions are the icing!

The dark part. I know I am wounded and healing is underway. The healing takes the form of feeling all sorts of anointed pangs again and again and again. OK... this is a fancy way of saying PAIN... I know. But when I reframe these things I feel as divine, sanctified or blessed it helps me move away from "Damn it - not again!" towards "I wonder what this is trying to tell me?" I am reframing things to survive. I am awash in tears right now. They are the realist of real. I let them flow and wonder what these tears, today - right now- are telling me?

The light part. Love is real too. It is eternal. This is how I am able to take the rest of it all in. Just wish I had a person here with me now to share all this love. THIS is what pains me today. Not in a needy way, but in an exploring way. There are always folks with whom we can share love. A bounty of souls in fact. But having that one, that intimate someone, is a special gift. Can I reframe this circumstance of yearning to acknowledge I am full of love and these tears are calling me out to open my heart even further? Yep, I can!

I wonder how open a heart can get?

How graciously my cookie crumbs have lead me toward this most wonderful question and toward a way to take action. Using Loving Kindness Meditation is a practical approach to a more open heart.

Also called Metta Meditation, practicing Loving Kindness increases positive mind states such as patience, kindness, compassion and acceptance towards yourself and others. Practicing Loving Kindness reduces negative chemicals (cortisol) in our brain and increase oxytocin which can further improve our ability to love and be loved.

Traditional Loving Kindness Meditation goes something like this...

Perhaps centering yourself by making the breath the focus of your attention and then feeling the breath moving and the body sitting.

And when you are ready, bringing to mind someone that it is easy to feel loving kindness towards. An easy, simple relationship may be best. Allowing yourself to hold them in your awareness perhaps seeing them in your mind’s eye or perhaps feeling a sense of them in your heart, can you feel a sense of loving kindness towards them?

As you hold them in your awareness, begin to send wishes of loving kindness to them. Silently repeat these phrases:

May you be safe
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you live with ease

Now lets switch it up! Gaining a sense of your self, and cradling the sense of yourself in your awareness repeat these words silently to your own sense of self:

May I be safe
May I be happy
May I be healthy
May I live with ease

If it seems artificial and stilted to say such things to yourself, for yourself, maybe you’re not feeling loving kindness in this moment - and that’s OK. Whatever you’re feeling, you can hold the intention of loving kindness... offering it from wherever you are... however you are now ...

Is it time to experiment? Or would you rather just go get a cookie? Either way - Joy awaits!

Tag You're It!