Full Spectrum of Love

Photo by Jonathon Reid

"Sunset is still my favorite color. Rainbow is second." Mattie Stepanek


What is clouding my awareness of the full spectrum of Love? How do I greet the EVERYTHING and allow this Landscape of Love to unfold more fully? My talisman, my incantation, my newest prayer is "Yes, and..." Yes, I miss my loving and departed Mother since her passing. And I know she is still with me. Yes, my father, whom I dismissed so many years ago, never shared his heart with me. And he sits with me regularly to tell me of his unending Love. Yes, I am completely healed from the passing of my loving husband of 20 years. And I will always carry within me a still lake of tenderness that is easily waked. 

These are not the competing statements of a vacillating mind. They are the warm and gentle notes my heart sings about the mysterious workings of the Landscape of Love. They are comprised of acceptance, compassion, and a desire to know the full spectrum of the Landscape of Love. And they are the best words I can can bring together to explain this resurrected feeling of wholeness that is growing inside me.

Gone are the days that I beat myself, or somebody else, up after recognizing a feeling I judged as wrong or painful. Gone are the doubts that swirled inside me that spoke to my brokenness and raised an invisible white flag over my head which asked everyone to "PLEASE FIX ME."  

So as I take a deep breath... I engage in a new wiser way of being which dissolves "the other" in accordance with Love. I take off the shackles of "either/or thinking" which restricted my growth for so long. Yes, I see we are all Divine and Innocent souls deserving of Love and Kindness. And I begin with my Self.

What is your favorite color?


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Peace From Wanting

"Normally, the test of greatness in the arts is the ability to state deep feelings and perceptions simply, clearly, and well. Indeed, it may well be said that until a person can express a thought clearly and simply, he hasn't yet fully understood it himself.” ~ Swami Kriyananda, from the book 'Art as a Hidden Message' 

We are all artists because we are always creating. 

This is my own simple prayer...

"I want everything I have. 

I have all I need. 

This is my very own peace."

What words do you use to create peace within yourself?

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Good Grief

“You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a single power, a single salvation... and that it is called loving. Well, then, love your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that hurts, nothing else." ~hermann hesse

Grief has sculpted me over these last 2 1/2 years. It has been my permission slip, my way in and out and through things. Lately though I have been taking note of the many moments I am "clean & sober" feeling good and in life's pocket again, without feelings of grief.

Having become so accustomed to feeling deeply pangs of deep sorrow, this now is strange. Comforting Grief connects me with he who is lost. But more so even, Grief has introduced me to my viscera - my deep feeling self. And I like being connected like that! 

Giving up Grief may actually be like quitting a substance that I have come to know and been most seductively soothed by. I am suddenly aware that letting go may be a challenge.

Stepping out from under this big black umbrella seems to be what is called for right now. I really can't waste another moment. I must become a responsible veteran of these "my griefy wars!" I want to own my own present experiences - taking on the world directly without the veil of Grief, without an excuse...but not without a net! 

No need to be a daredevil. 

Can I stay connected without Grief? Is there a practice 
i can put into action that will slide elegantly into grief's place?

So I am on the hunt to identify that thing that will be my entry point into the deepest parts of myself. I will let you know when I have found it! I think I know what it is already...and if you have been following me for a bit you may know too! 

How do you keep connected?

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A New Way to Love

"The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,

Are also on the faces of people going by.

I see friends shaking hands, sayin', "How do you do?"

They're really saying, " I love you" 

~from Lyrics "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong

I am IN love. 

Not like "what is his name?" kind of love. 

Not like "every Cary Grant movie ever made" kind of love. 

And not like "co-dependent attachment you can't do without it" kind of love.

What I mean is I am always "IN love" because I am always surrounded by (in) Source (love) all of the time.

Feels great to use these words - "IN love" about myself when I know it is not some bullshit positive thinking word game but my honest and real Truth.

Feels great to use these words - "IN love"  about myself when I know that this love cannot and will never be taken away from me.

Feels great to use these words - "IN love" about myself in such a new and different way than ever before -  so fully, passionately and completely.

Within this Love I am safely held. And it just feels great!

Can you dig it? Too quote Billy Crystal as Louis Armstrong, "I knew that you could. Oh Yaaaah…"

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How To Unfold

“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” ~rumi

How do I unfold? Until I am able to live in the dream for my highest self, I am borrowing my Soul's heart to assist me in making decisions. To do this I am meditating more regularly, which helps me to focus. 

Focus on what you ask?

I am focusing on: the Mist that is obscuring things, the Questions I need answered, the things I demand Manifest in my life, the feeling of Gratitude I have for all that is manifested and Unconditional Trust that all is well just as it is today! 

Borrowing my Soul's heart helps me get to where I want to be. Or a better way to express it - it helps me see I am exactly where I am supposed to be, right here right now!

Ohm...

What TRICK do you use to get here?

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Good Fortune Awaits

"Dreaming without action is never going to get me what I desire"

I love this wonderful photo I captured today? I feel so lucky to have recognized the wonder of this moment. I am so glad to be alive and kicking. Seems this new year is begun with electricity, instead of blood, in my veins. 

I am kindred today with Harry, a feral cat, so fortunate to be given shelter by a local shopkeeper in this most luxurious manner. How does a cat of his wild sort achieve such good fortune? 

How do any of us get so lucky?

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No Need for Struggle

"Don't keep pushing against closed doors. Look around for the open ones." ~ sanyana roman

Every now and then I get caught up in wanting a thing that may not be mine. I feel owed it. Or I need it. Or I just would like to have it because I briefly enjoyed it...so it must be mine.

For me, "being caught" is an indication I have stepped out of the flow of things and have begun a familiar dance of dragging myself against my better interest or anchoring myself when I could be happily moving along. Feelings of powerlessness show up as a life circumstance becomes harder than it has to be. And in the end - after some misbegotten actions or emotions - I get that it was never meant to be mine or perhaps there is a better way to do something.

I wonder why this happens? How come I retrace these steps now and then? 

It seems as if the wanted thing is the least of my concerns. I am coming to realize it is the unlearned lesson "to let go" that I am really after.

Do not get me wrong...struggle to achieve a goal is a good and mighty thing. It cultivates patience, trust, confidence, focus and concentration. But there are a myriad of ways to achieve and knowing that in the deeps of my soul is very liberating.

So I am learning to pay attention. And if it feels like I am being dragged down away from Joy... I stop. I reconsider my options all the while keeping my same goal in mind. It is having this kind of flexibility that eases my way forward. 

There really are endless ways to get there and still stay on your own path! And if you are lucky...and open... some of them may even surprise you!

Do you find flexibility to be one of your go to assets?

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Love Beyond Measure

"For I have learned that every

heart will get

What it prays for

Most " - hafiz

How much Love can you take? 

Let's talk volume here. Is it enough? Is it too much? Can you take just a little more? And just a little more again? Why is there a set amount that is allowed? Does it burn to feel the unbounded vastness of Love's light? Is it possible to conceive of this much Love being at your disposal?

Is a little trickle thru a tiny fissure in the granite of a great stone gorge all you can abide at this time? Any fissure can become a crack. And any crack can break wide open...if you let it.

What about a gusher? What about a geyser? What about an tidal wave? Now we are talking about more than just volume. We are adding velocity. It is too much, too fast! Make it stop - all this Love! It hurts too much!

Let's just stop this all together! Let's just stop this "stopping Love." Let's just let it flow and feel it however it arrives, accept it no matter what it looks like, who brings it, or how fast (or slowly) it comes. 

Make welcome Love. Make welcome Love. Make welcome Love.

This is my prayer.

What does your heart pray for?

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Paying Attention

A Centipede was happy quite 

until a frog in jest said,

"Pray which leg comes after which?"

This raised his doubts to such a pitch,

He lay bewildered in a ditch

Considering how to run.

~ Author Unknown

Taking yet another e-course with Thomas Moore, author of "Care of the Soul", we are studying The Holy Fool: Finding Spiritual Liberation in Foolishness and Humor. This is right up my alley some would say. Today's discussion is on 'The Fool as Inner Guide.'

Within this lesson is the idea of being NOBODY. Sounds strange and perhaps awful to some. The problem with adversity is that it is very hard to appreciate it in the moment. 

Being nobody can be very liberating. It can allow us to be unencumbered by societies' (and our own) expectations. Being nobody breaks open the cask of possibilities and, while frightening, is also very exciting.

Emily Dickenson's poem, "I am nobody" holds in high esteem this idea and suggests that 'if I am nobody than perhaps so are you.'

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?

Are you - Nobody - too?

Then there's a pair of us!

Don't tell! they'd advertise - you know!

How dreary - to be - Somebody!

How public - like a Frog - 

To tell one's name - the livelong June - 

To an admiring Bog!"

But I have always found it very important to recognize everyone I meet as important and somebody. Those who wear the costume of stranger - wait staff, clerks, and fellow classmates - are not NOBODY, but some bodies vibrating next to me. They are to be heard and valued. Sometimes, if I am not paying attention to my life I do not recognize their value in the moment. But when I take time to reflect on the day and on all the interactions I have had - this idea is reinforced 100%.

How can both these ideas - being nobody and being somebody - exist simultaneously? Being here - in this  paradoxical space - is a vast and benevolent experience. 

Don't think about it too long lest you end up capsized in a ditch unable to run. Just vibrate yourself on toward your next task at hand and remember with Love you are nobody and so am I!

Are you paying attention to your life?

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My Ego - Not Yours! Mine. Mine. Mine.

I sent my ego to the "timeout chair" this morning. I am sitting here smiling imagining this silly and sweet happenstance.

What would my ego look like if I could see it? Is it a smaller version of myself? It seems to be an innocent who does not know any better, but is not me as a child. It is a part of who I am right now, the part that has limited vision and reflexively stomps or rejoices. 

I sent my ego to the timeout chair this morning not to be judged and sentenced. I am showing it the way forward toward a new sensibility because it is part of me that deserves to be loved and understood. I am rerouting it toward a more all encompassing nature beyond it's usual pattern of instantaneous and emotive "me-me-me-ness."

In order to reach for my best self, the person I am meant to be, I am sweetly aware of my lovely and energetic ego self that requires guidance... from me or from some kind of higher self. That is why the moment I recognized it needed to become recumbent and docile I sent my ego to the timeout chair to "think about what it had done"

For this awareness I am grateful. 

"OK, do you know why I had you sit there a while? Yes - that's right, you can get up now. I love you very much. Now go and play."

Have you a part of yourself that needs more guidance?

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Like Walking on the Moon!

Love is a many splendid thing, but it is NOT something concrete -  nor is Will, Reason or Imagination. Yet we've all experienced these insubstantial (yet very foundational) things. 

We've all felt love for a person, place or thing. We've all willed ourselves out of bed. And we're always Reasoning... "Is it better to do thing A or thing B?"

In general, none of these intangibles can be weighed on a scale, held in our hands or seen with our eyes. But they are no less real than the frozen tundra of Greenland, a fig leaf or the elephant in the room. I am sure you get the picture - right? 

Yet because they are unseen they always seem to be neglected. There just never is a good time to examine the weight of them on our lives. Or the unlimited possibilities of holding them in our consciousness. Or to experiment with them to see how they can help us manifest a better life for ourselves.

For me, when I caught wind that I could intentionally make muscular my ability to see and fortify Love or Intuition -- insert your desired intangible here -- it felt exactly like walking on the moon! What a strange and beautiful place to be, but how do I navigate? At first, in this unfamiliar place I was unable to grasp things with my goofy large gloves and only able to breath from my own limited supply of recirculated air. And I was sure the tank would run out sooner or later. Then I started to take a walk out into the unknown.

Now, after some time playing with these ideas, the gloves have come off. I am untethered! I am examining "the thing" I want from every angle. How do I feel about it? What do I believe. Why do I believe what I believe? Is this belief of mine really true? 

This helps me form a clearer picture of what I want and what I do not want. And from this place IT IS EASY to hold in my consciousness exactly the effect I want to show up in my life. And damn it if I don't see real evidence of my most heartfelt desires right in front of these new eyes of mine. They may not be in the form, color or shape I pictured but they are just what I ordered! 

The trick I found was in not planning how, but just holding the result in mind and more importantly feeling how I would feel when my intangible showed up. Then, having refined it, just let it go.

This takes some practice. I've had to renegotiate within a different gravitational pull. But now -that I sort of have the hang of it - the air is less rare and my tank is always full!

What new thing will you try today?

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In the Stream

Today I am noticing my open heart is a garden where everything placed in it grows. And everything that comes from it nourishes. And when I relax into the flow of life, life provides all that I need easily and comfortably. 

LIFE is on my side!

What better motivation can there be to arrange things in your life so your heart space is the preeminent filter through which all things flow?

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Don't Be Alarmed II

A poem written at a time of strong feeling is a good thing…for me. It expresses itself so I can get on with the day. 

Gathering Light

In my mind I took a walk
To my heart

Then let go

And stayed there a while

I slipped gathering light

And fell in love

This to shall pass
Don't be alarmed

All of it is fleeting.

To live passionately 

Is to die peacefully

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Enlightened Down South

The day is bright with possibilities after stretching and strengthening my back and my spirit. The instructor asked us to set our intention for the day. Was a beautiful yoga class @YogaGarden this am. 

My intention came to me quickly - "I allow Grace, Love & Abundance into my life." 

Seems like a no brainer. Of course we all want Grace, Love & Abundance. But you got to make them welcome. You have to know you are deserving of all things good. You gotta let them in! 

So I did just that, then I did my yoga and then I gave thanks for the free flow of Grace, Love & Abundance to me and from me towards others. That's what flow means - it is a give and take, a gracious sharing back and forth.

And then I took my new-age-yoga-doin-self out for a BBQ sandwich. Amen and pass the moist towelettes! This is enlightenment down south. Namaste Y'all.

How did you nourish yourself today?

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Rinse and Repeat

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift…" 

~ Albert Einstein

Knowing this I ask again --- what does it feel like to receive unconditional love? 

Now without labeling, without using words or employing images - or memory even - can you summon up the feeling? Can you use your subtler senses to bask in It's immensity? 

Mmm mmm good! 

Now - as most shampoo bottles instruct - rinse and repeat. Rinse off the conditions in which you find yourself and stretch yourself to repeat feeling this feeling once daily.

It would be monumental if we could daily attend to our emotional and intuitive hygiene in this way. Taking a moment each day of our lives to rinse and repeat might allow our day (and thus our lives) to unfold more favorably. 

This is the manner in which I am living today. I am stretching myself beyond what is, letting go of business as usual and allowing what serves best to unfold before me. It is scary. It is uncomfortable. I have much less control, but I know that by attending to my emotional hygiene there is a much richer chance I might evolve toward a greater vision for my life than I can currently conceive.

Got any questions? Me too - loads. But gonna set them aside to feel my way forward today?

Could you let go - even just a little today - to make room for new possibilities?

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Imagine

What does it feel like to receive unconditional love?

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