My Ego - Not Yours! Mine. Mine. Mine.

I sent my ego to the "timeout chair" this morning. I am sitting here smiling imagining this silly and sweet happenstance.

What would my ego look like if I could see it? Is it a smaller version of myself? It seems to be an innocent who does not know any better, but is not me as a child. It is a part of who I am right now, the part that has limited vision and reflexively stomps or rejoices. 

I sent my ego to the timeout chair this morning not to be judged and sentenced. I am showing it the way forward toward a new sensibility because it is part of me that deserves to be loved and understood. I am rerouting it toward a more all encompassing nature beyond it's usual pattern of instantaneous and emotive "me-me-me-ness."

In order to reach for my best self, the person I am meant to be, I am sweetly aware of my lovely and energetic ego self that requires guidance... from me or from some kind of higher self. That is why the moment I recognized it needed to become recumbent and docile I sent my ego to the timeout chair to "think about what it had done"

For this awareness I am grateful. 

"OK, do you know why I had you sit there a while? Yes - that's right, you can get up now. I love you very much. Now go and play."

Have you a part of yourself that needs more guidance?

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McGee, Keats & Chödrön on Transformation

"What hurts us can cripple us, but it can also shape us into something more powerful. But this requires presence. It requires having a different perspective about what it means to hurt and what it means to experience emotional trauma. One way to change our perspective is to look at our wounds as sacred things. Our sacred wounds can be a great source of personal development. 

Like John Keats wrote --- 

'Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?' ---

Indeed, allowing our wounds to become sacred is allowing Ego to become Soul. If we really allow ourselves to live greatly, we must open ourselves up to being present to our sacred wounds. The ability to have an authentic engagement with life takes the courage to face prior heartache and pain, and the ability to cultivate it and refine it. Either way, the pain and heartache will be there. The question is whether or not we have the courage to transform it into something that can refine our soul. 

Pema Chödrön said it best ---

'We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.' -- 

Letting there be room is allowing for a space, a sacred space, where we can be fully present with our pain." ~ Gary Z McGee

In Blue | April 13, 2014 at 6:08 am | URL: http://wp.me/p1Wc4z-2jp

Asking the Mask a Few Questions

Where did you come from - this mask of mine? Are you planning on staying long? What purpose do you serve? Can I see underneath? How many others do I allow to peek? 

When you showed up was I aware of your coming or did you slide slowly onto my face as lichen attaches to shale living out it's life near a stream? 

Does your crust build up until all that is me becomes flat and featureless? Or are you so thinly layed down that the slightest breeze produces puffs of me floating on air? Perhaps our husks wax and wane according to circumstance? 

Today I honor this mask of mine however it came into being. It is born of me. It is a real appendage. It is made in my image and faces forward out into the world.

Whether I chose this mask or it just happened upon me, now that I am conscious of it's being I can use it how I like when I like and where I like. For it is part of who I am...and who I am not.

What purpose does your mask serve?

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Dissolving the Ego

Dissolving the Ego is like selling the first car you ever owned. You are attached to it. You have depended on it to take you places since... forever  It is how you move around, get attention, how you are able to carry all that stuff around with you wherever you go. How could you ever manage without it?

Like a car, we need an Ego - right?  Right, but how often do we let the car drive us? And say you did want to dissolve the only mode of being you have ever known? How does one even approach such a thing?

I observed my ego causing trouble recently. The commotion began when my mind was left free to toddle and sway. Thoughts slid unconsciously following one another down hill and leaping into the ocean of unformed possibility. This is where things got stirred up! It was during a form of meditation called Visioning that I clearly recognized my  "not so good feelings" are NOT me. They are the result of my ego instinctively directing traffic right off a cliff.

During this visioning short waves of sorrow began to surface. Silent and sporadic tears made this a moist meditation.  I became super aware of the slow rolling tear as it flattened itself on my cheek. Then I felt itself rounding again past the chin area where it dripped off to points unknown. This unsettled feeling showed up in the form of sorrow & tears, but it could have just as easily been a quick and sharp painful feeling of despair or a familiar wisp of old and smelly "you are not good enough" thought.

Part of visioning is asking questions and mindfully listening to the answers. Last night, when I asked to let go of something that no longer served me. "EGO" shot into the middle of my awareness. And in that moment of making a conscious choice to let go of ego the waterworks halted. Simultaneously!  It felt like my server had just cleared my plate of yucky vegetables from the table and asked, "Who's ready for dessert?" I literally "felt" the sorrow dissolve into nothingness. And then this realization melted into glee.

I didn't expect this result. I had no expectations at all. It caught me by surprise and pleased me so much.This is the great thing about observing a practice. Sometimes it leads you down favorable roads you never new existed! 

So Mr. Ego, look out. If I can do it once, I can do it again. Practice makes perfect. Don't make me turn this car around!!!

What is your practice?


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A Simple Primer for Visioning

During your regular mediation practice, make a point to have a journal and a pencil near by. Ask these four questions, one at a time. Spend a few minutes listening, without reaching or straining, for any answers that may bloom within your awareness. Take a moment to write down anything significant or insignificant. Do this for each question. You can then conclude by giving thanks if you like.

What is the highest vision for my life?

What must I become in consciousness for this vision to fulfill itself?

What must I release to be open for this vision to emerge?

Is there anything else I am to embrace in this moment?