We Are All Veterans

"When the Indian saint Ramakrishna was asked why there is evil in the world, he answered, “To thicken the plot.” These very plot thickeners, often the most difficult and insistent ones, can lead us to open our bodies, hearts, and minds." 

~ from A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield

We are all veterans. We all have some powerfully painful experience we have survived. We are here to survive our experiences and grow from them. 

It is just the way it is.

And the best part of this, for me, is to be a veteran means the experience of struggle is past and now I can move on! The realization that the battle is over and that I have survived is so joyous for me! I am free to look forward toward whatever is next…knowing more than I did before and confidently knowing I can take it! 

What struggle can you triumphantly now put behind you?

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Peace From Wanting

"Normally, the test of greatness in the arts is the ability to state deep feelings and perceptions simply, clearly, and well. Indeed, it may well be said that until a person can express a thought clearly and simply, he hasn't yet fully understood it himself.” ~ Swami Kriyananda, from the book 'Art as a Hidden Message' 

We are all artists because we are always creating. 

This is my own simple prayer...

"I want everything I have. 

I have all I need. 

This is my very own peace."

What words do you use to create peace within yourself?

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How Do I Achieve Inner Peace?

When I read these words to myself, sometimes on a daily basis, I become stronger in my belief that Change and Peace are on the same continuum and they always start (and end) inside of me.

"My whole being works best when I am able to achieve EQUANIMITY in life. I thrive when things are NOT tipped too much in one direction for too long. And when I realize EQUANIMITY for myself I experience a deep inner peace.

The entirety of everything is made up from one thing. That one thing is Divine. I call this divine thing Source because it exists eternally in, around, under, and through all “other” things.

I am just such an “other” thing. I am not Source as Source is the beginning of everything, but Source is ALL of me. This means that all the wholeness and perfection that Source is – I am. From this recognition I take confidence that I have the same power to manifest, just as Source does.

I accept that all of life is change and within all circumstances change is constant. From within this reality I create a subtle and gentle swing for myself in which I happily glide from here to there… and back again. From this place where I sit as things appear to shift  - my experience is always that ALL IS WELL.  I am Equanimity. I am Balance. I am Peace.

For this realization I give thanks. For this knowing I am humbly grateful.

Having written and read these words I let them go now.  I release these words into Source knowing the thing is already done and I am already Peaceful.  I release these words as I say, And so it is.”

Will you come and sit on my swing with me?

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How To Unfold

“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” ~rumi

How do I unfold? Until I am able to live in the dream for my highest self, I am borrowing my Soul's heart to assist me in making decisions. To do this I am meditating more regularly, which helps me to focus. 

Focus on what you ask?

I am focusing on: the Mist that is obscuring things, the Questions I need answered, the things I demand Manifest in my life, the feeling of Gratitude I have for all that is manifested and Unconditional Trust that all is well just as it is today! 

Borrowing my Soul's heart helps me get to where I want to be. Or a better way to express it - it helps me see I am exactly where I am supposed to be, right here right now!

Ohm...

What TRICK do you use to get here?

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Trust

“THE EDGE, there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”~hunter s. thompson

'Soft Verges' is a sign I saw posted whilst driving in the English countryside last year. Verges are the edges of the road. They are also, "She is on the verge of something great!" Or "He is on the verge of a nervous breakdown." If we are lucky we are always on the verge of something. That means we are living in discovery and all the time growing.

John O'Donohue writes, "Though we know one another's names and recognize one another's faces, we never know what destiny shapes each life. The script of individual destiny is secret; it is hidden behind and beneath the sequence of happenings that is continually unfolding for us. Each life is a mystery that is never finally available to the mind's light or questions. That we are here is a huge affirmation; somehow life needed us and wanted us to be. To sense and trust this primeval acceptance can open a vast spring of trust within the heart. It opens up our lives to become voyages of discovery, creativity, and compassion. No threshold need be a threat, but rather an invitation and a promise. Whatever comes, the great sacrament of life will remain faithful to us, blessing us always with visible signs of invisible grace. We merely need to trust."

Are there times you could make use of Trust?

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Good Fortune Awaits

"Dreaming without action is never going to get me what I desire"

I love this wonderful photo I captured today? I feel so lucky to have recognized the wonder of this moment. I am so glad to be alive and kicking. Seems this new year is begun with electricity, instead of blood, in my veins. 

I am kindred today with Harry, a feral cat, so fortunate to be given shelter by a local shopkeeper in this most luxurious manner. How does a cat of his wild sort achieve such good fortune? 

How do any of us get so lucky?

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Finding your G-spot

"If you can sit quietly after difficult news (even if in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm)... If you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealously... If you can happily eat whatever is on your plate, or fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill... If you always find contentment just where you are... You are probably a dog." ~jack kornfield

We all have ideas of what it means to be spiritual. For me it is about the exquisite equanimity of this life. Creating balance so nothing throws me too far a field is a practice. And because I am human I need the practice. When I experience one of life's many challenges I have come to know I can change things myself and I do NOT need an EXTERNAL source to do the job. In this lies power. 

I love the life I am leading and when things get a little hairy or a bit off balance I love that I can easily turn things around by actively focusing my energy on all the abundance that surrounds me, all the love that is shared with me and all the love I am able to share with others. In a word - I am GRATEFUL! 

This is my G-spot. 

This provocative phrasing is deliberately chosen to get your attention. I want you to know this is serious business - the practice of moving actual energy within and around your own physical space. It is not just platitudinous gibber jabber. Nor, by the way, is it a heavy lift.

By regularly holding conscious thoughts that reveal joy, love and grace things do shift, energies do up level and experiences do become transformed.

And this is the place that feels real good to me, the place I cultivate within myself and the place from which I enjoy intimately sharing my life with others. 

Where is your energy focused? 

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Viva Les Questions!

"It can't just be about others because it's too depleting. It can't just be about ourselves because it's too lonely." ~Jason Garner

Everywhere everyday opportunities arise to help ourselves and to help others but where is the balance? How can we next make the right decision to help ourselves or to help others? What kind of mastermind can hone in on the right thing today to do right now?

These are an awful lot of questions. But I have found when I ask questions it is not my responsibility to answer them. It is only my responsibility to form them from a deep and meaningful place within my heart. And I know if I do this, from this place, the answers will come to me easily.

Takes a load off doesn't it? 

It is so great to know you don't have to have the answers. You only have to ask the RIGHT question! 

These questions are both the key to our suffering and the key to our joy. I am certain you are totally aware we all have easy access to our own questions. They just naturally exist in us all. They are as individual to each of us ad our own particular journeys. And they all contain the answers we are seeking within them!

Just ask them. 

Just ask them WITH FEELING from a sincere place deep inside your heart knowing in the asking the answer lies. 

I have found great peace in allowing myself to just live in my questions like this  - for I know the answers will come. 

Got any questions?

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Fallen

Fallen

I am wounded 

I am weak 

I am not alone.

Scooped up

Made warm and welcome

Earth dug deep with candles lit

Your love nourishes me.

Gracious nestling

In your family's home, 

your heart, your lives, your land.

Just now this way 

I am safe 

I can crow 

I am made stronger 

in your light.

Fly away fly away 

I am going to fly away

Destined to glide high

To soar and to make my own nest.

On the bits of love 

you placed in me.

You give my wings their wind.

~ Dedicated to all the Chapmans who keep me, nourish me and give me wings.

Who does this for you?

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Joyful Creativity

       Maui - Polynesian Trickster God

Excerpts from IT'S BETTER TO BE A TRICKSTER THAN A MARTYR by Elizabeth Gilbert

"There is another way to be creative that does not make a fetish out of suffering. There is an older way, a richer way, a more generative way — the way human beings had been making art for about 30,000 years, before Europeans started taking things all too seriously. This is the path of playful collaboration with the mysteries of inspiration. This is the path that says you are neither the slave to your muse, nor its master — but that you are its partner, and that the two of you (artistic mystery and you) can delight in each other. This is the path that says creativity is a weird but never-boring dance, and that you are allowed to actually enjoy it regardless of how it turns out. This is the path that focuses more on the wonderful strangeness of the process and less on the result. This is the path that does not worship suffering and torment, and does not respect the reality police who say that life is nothing but a grim march of pain. 

This is the path of the trickster, not the martyr. The trickster (represented forever in world mythology as the fox, the crow, the coyote, the monkey) sees through our delusions of seriousness and exposes the play underneath all our drama. The trickster says, 'You are welcome to die for your cause if you really want to, but I'm not here to spend my life suffering.'

The trickster understands that all this world is temporary, all of it is shifting, all of it is nonsense, all of it is fair game for delight. The trickster never dies a grim death in a walk-up tenement while suffering romantically from tuberculous. The trickster doesn't compete, doesn't compare, doesn't beat his head against the wall, doesn't wrestle demons, doesn't try to dominate mysteries that were never meant to be dominated in the first place. The trickster just keeps on PLAYING. The trickster is slippery and sly, wry and wise, always looking for the secret door, the hidden stairway, the funhouse mirror, the sideways way of looking at things — and the trickster always endures." 

Yes, yes, yes! Will you come PLAY with me?

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Enlightened Down South

The day is bright with possibilities after stretching and strengthening my back and my spirit. The instructor asked us to set our intention for the day. Was a beautiful yoga class @YogaGarden this am. 

My intention came to me quickly - "I allow Grace, Love & Abundance into my life." 

Seems like a no brainer. Of course we all want Grace, Love & Abundance. But you got to make them welcome. You have to know you are deserving of all things good. You gotta let them in! 

So I did just that, then I did my yoga and then I gave thanks for the free flow of Grace, Love & Abundance to me and from me towards others. That's what flow means - it is a give and take, a gracious sharing back and forth.

And then I took my new-age-yoga-doin-self out for a BBQ sandwich. Amen and pass the moist towelettes! This is enlightenment down south. Namaste Y'all.

How did you nourish yourself today?

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Self Love

Soulfully attending to body, mind and spirit manifests all manner of actual good things into being. Here is another list to tack up on the mirror or place by the bed to remind us of this!

The Top Ten Reasons Why I Exercise By Jessica Ortner 

1) Movement in your body means movement in your life. Over and over again, I’ve seen how true that is for me and my life. When I’m feeling stuck, I know I need to move.

2) Movement is an expression of gratitude toward my body for all it does for me.

3) Movement makes me feel connected to my body and its intelligence, which helps me make better decisions and keeps me feeling like my best self.

4) I’m smarter and more creative when I’m exercising. (Research backs this up; exercise causes increased blood flow to the brain, which stimulates the creative centers in the brain.)

5) Movement is a spiritual experience for me, like a physical form of prayer or a moving meditation.

6) Movement makes me feel strong, confident, beautiful, and sexy, like a force to be reckoned with.

7) Movement helps me be in the present moment, which helps me feel at peace.

8) Movement is one of the ways I show myself love, so when I exercise, I’m reminding myself that I’m worthy of my own love.

9)  Movement makes me feel playful and energetic.

10) Movement makes me feel powerful in a deep and authentic way.

Notice what’s missing here? “Burning calories” and “losing weight” appear exactly nowhere on my list.

Gonna take these ideas and run with them! Nothing bad can ever happen by loving yourself...don't you just think?

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Rinse and Repeat

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift…" 

~ Albert Einstein

Knowing this I ask again --- what does it feel like to receive unconditional love? 

Now without labeling, without using words or employing images - or memory even - can you summon up the feeling? Can you use your subtler senses to bask in It's immensity? 

Mmm mmm good! 

Now - as most shampoo bottles instruct - rinse and repeat. Rinse off the conditions in which you find yourself and stretch yourself to repeat feeling this feeling once daily.

It would be monumental if we could daily attend to our emotional and intuitive hygiene in this way. Taking a moment each day of our lives to rinse and repeat might allow our day (and thus our lives) to unfold more favorably. 

This is the manner in which I am living today. I am stretching myself beyond what is, letting go of business as usual and allowing what serves best to unfold before me. It is scary. It is uncomfortable. I have much less control, but I know that by attending to my emotional hygiene there is a much richer chance I might evolve toward a greater vision for my life than I can currently conceive.

Got any questions? Me too - loads. But gonna set them aside to feel my way forward today?

Could you let go - even just a little today - to make room for new possibilities?

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The Bigger Picture May Be Hard to Swallow

"It’s like Mahatma Gandhi gets put in jail and they give him a lice-infested uniform and tell him to clean the latrines, and it’s a whole mess. And he walks up to the head of the guards and he says, in total truth, “Thank you.” He’s not putting them on or up-leveling them. He’s saying, “There’s a teaching here, and I’m getting it; thank you.” ~ ram dass

I have come to know that in most cases the experience I am having at any given moment is just one piece of it All. And I also know I will never fully understand the entire nature of how and why different things manifest into and out of my life. Knowing this is the cornerstone of Unconditional Trust. I hope you won't find this hard to swallow.

What is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude?

To become aware that all is well no matter your present circumstance is to experience Unconditional Trust. Actively living Unconditional Trust frees up thoughts and feelings from fear and lack and doubt and let's them soar toward compassion, wonder and new possibilities.

Having experienced loss on a grand scale (the death of my husband) and now more recently in several much smaller ways - a broken necklace, a busted computer, and the real loss of a job - I see there has been a shift. In the past my response to the sudden upsetting of my apple cart was sadness, anger or fear of future or failure. Within this new paradigm my response is that of the witness. I am more reflective. 

I catch myself before things get too far gone. I stop and question the truth of the thing. I look for real places where I can be grateful as life conspires to grow me up. And the best thing is the more I shepard myself toward this new knowing the more automatic it becomes. 

One by one I consciously wash away these reflexive emotionally charged situations and replace them with gratitude. Some may see this as giving up or giving in.  I am not giving up, I am getting on with it! This is an acceptance of what is and an active form of compassion for myself and all others. 

Conditions I see in front of me are only one piece of it. I experience Peace knowing this. So what is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude? 

I think they are the same thing...

What do you think?

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The Rush of Simple Pleasure

I felt there again. It was so sweet, that connection to one's I love. We had dinner, my dear friends and I. We discussed all sorts of real and true things about our daily lives, but nothing heavy, nothing too deep. Just regular sharing and regular joy. 

Their, now 2, baby's care came first as we juggled conversation with eating and with all other things. We were together in my home feeling...good. 

The keel is evening out as this is the life I picture for myself. Loving people sharing a lovely time. Closeness and warmth - no dramas, no tears for a change. 

Just the pleasantness of good food, your company and me. I am steeped in gratitude for awareness of this simple pleasure.

What makes up a simple pleasure for you?

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Transported by Joy

The sun is shining and the cool winds of a burgeoning spring are blowing thru my hair. I am driving home after a great day of doing what I love. I am joy. 

Time is stopped as a wonderful feeling surges from within. Then I see the break lights. But there is no thing that can come between me and pure joy... if I am Joy.  Not even this road with its many apartments which have many children who are all falling forward off the school bus as it seems to stop every 40 to 50 feet. 

Yes, time is stopped. And now my car is stopped. But I keep zooming forward. Suddenly I am transported. I am on NC 210 approaching the bridge that connects the mainland to the island. This metal swing bridge is my way into Surf City on Topsail Island, North Carolina. We are stopped because the bridge is slowly swinging toward perpendicular to let a boat sail from the ocean into the bay.

Surf City is where I enjoy waking at 6 am to help the sun rise; where I joyously host friends and family with great food, games and music; and where days unevenly stretch, lean and fade... much to everyone's delight.

It is here - in this would-be traffic jam - I transition to timelessness. The only thing moving is a warm, sweet and salty breeze but I do not care. I am on the edge just before all heaven breaks loose. Today I humbly acknowledge a break in the fabric of time and space because right NOW I am at longitude 34.4697° N and latitude 77.4719° W. 

Did I say latitude… should have said attitude… @Topsail_Island.calm!

Have you ever been transported by Joy?

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2013 Grief Olympics

Here is a recount made last year to a friend about things as they were unfolding for me then. Remembering where I was gives me clarity on how far I have come!

"I made it past 3 of the 4 challenging events - Mike's B-Day, my B-Day and the fact that my B-Day was such a milestone - I am 50 years old on Aug 3.

The retreat, which my sister insisted I attend with her, was a great place to be during this highly charged time. A friend of mine from HS drove down from SF and took me to Pebble Beach for a birthday dinner celebration. We drove through Carmel first where he insisted on getting me a birthday gift ( some sandals). And then we stopped by the place where he had deposited his fathers ashes years earlier. On the last night of the retreat a dance was held. There I danced like I haven't danced in years. It was unforgettable...the way I turned 50! And so unexpected as well.

BTW - retreat was at Asilomar Lodge in Pacific Grove CA. There lots of nice people gathered to do workshops and have a great time otherwise. Not stuffy ideologues, but wide open folks wishing everyone find their own path their own way.

So had a great time and am now preparing for final summer challenge in Lani's Grief Olympics - taking Mike's ashes to beach exactly 1 year after his death. I will have loads of family support and we will make it happen.

I had an urn made by a potter friend of mine. Mike loved the color yellow. I put his ashes in it this evening. It is all so surreal...One minute I am up and next I am curled up in a weeping ball. Just keepin' it together these days is all I can manage. I am so grateful for every one's giving-ness of their time and their attention."

Do you have a way to gage your here & now wonderfulness?

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What is Reasonable?

"Unknowing, if one can be open and vulnerable, will take us down to the very deeps of knowing, not informing the mind but coursing through the whole body, artery and vein–provided one can thrust aside what the world calls common sense, that popular lumpen wisdom that prevents the emerging of the numinous." ~ Pamela Travers

I am living in spite of myself. I am doing things I would never do, yet I do them, in spite of all I have come to know about who I am. Is this reasonable? 

Often lately I find myself appreciating, then allowing, then being with an unfolding me - in spite of the me I have always known myself to be. Is that reasonable?

Am I not sure of who I am and what I prefer? How can I operate in the uncertainty of what is or is not to come? There seems to be no grounding here, no relative center in this way of being. It feels quite like the floor of a fun house - shaky, slippery, and curved. Oh... I am getting nauseated just thinking about it! 

It is here at the dark edge of the mystery I find myself. And all I can do is live it - trusting if I follow the light it will take me out to the other side; trusting that Love will not only be waiting for me there - but that Love will have been moving along with me, in me and all around me all the time.

Knowing this is what gives me the sound footing I require. Knowing this informs my emerging self that it is OK to feel awestruck, terrified and touched by grace all at the same time.

Is this sound? Is this reasonable?

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