Showing posts with label patterns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patterns. Show all posts

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Deep Inside the Darkness is Light

"As long as you do not know what you are experiencing inside, you are asleep in your life, even though you may think you are very awake." ~gary zukav 


Protection has got me thinking and feeling small. Rejection is fresh and overt as I begin to date again. It is harder than I thought it would be after losing my husband to illness almost 3 years ago.


I have done the work. I have opened myself up and have reaped many rewards - brand new friendships, awesome new experiences and a boat load of new emotions & feelings. But it seems there is still more work to do. Alas as I drill down even more deeply I am finding more growing... and more pain. 


There is this idea lurking deep down inside me that no one will ever love me again the way my husband loved me. The way we loved each other. And perhaps, I have to admit, I will never love again the way I loved him.


Does this mean all my efforts so far are useless? Or am I just arrived at yet another level for potential healing? 

My experience tells me I must allow these deep feelings a voice. I acknowledged these feelings as I watched them express themselves sideways as my own self-judgement and tears. 

Reflecting on these ideas, "my truths," makes way for new beliefs to take hold. I acknowledge "these truths" may not be so true so I can cleanse myself of limiting beliefs.

And most importantly, I acknowledge these "truths" so I may move forward with love and compassion for my predicament and towards new better ways that serve my deepest desire for amazement, freedom and joy this year!

Jack Kornfield says, "Wise spiritual practice requires that we actively address the pain and conflict of our life." 

Like a spring bulb I must want to grow to break through the mud and earth toward my newly blossoming self! Just did not figure it would hurt so much...again.


What light is hidden from you by the dark?

Tag, You're It!

Friday, February 6, 2015

I'm a Pepper. You're a Pepper...


organism


[awr-guh-niz-uh m]  noun   1. a form of life composed of mutually interdependent parts that maintain various vital processes.


To be an organism in my own life; to confidently behave in my own best interest without doubt, fear or judgement; this is my NIRVANA. 

This is not a selfish aim for in being such a thing I eclipse that part of myself that gets in my own way. You know what I am talking about...that voice that, at best - hinders or delays joy and at worst - scolds, malforms or denigrates a soul's truest nature.

An organism has no such voice. It has no inner child or half-baked notions which need overcoming. It just simply moves with ease as it is meant to for the good of itself and the body in which it lives. Ahhhh...this sounds so peaceful.

Now some may think my aspiring to be an organism might leave me small, faceless and without a personality. But my read is just the opposite. If I were fortunate enough to be an organism I would be a one-of-a-kind singular and perfect expression of myself. I would know innately my place in the world. And this "knowing" would gracefully carry me forward in the direction of my own ever unfolding destiny...joyfully and triumphantly. That doesn't seem small at all, now does it?  

If ALL THIS were actually the way of things, wouldn't you like to be an organism too? 

How do you describe your NIRVANA?

Tag You're It! 

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Change


"The birds are molting. If only man could molt also - his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year its useless passions." 
~ james allen

This is WCHG radio sweeping you forward to a brighter day! Give a listen. Click on the names below - unless you don't want to feel empowered?

Change lifts and carries me forward with the help of Sam, Otis and Aretha. They each have their own way of singing Sam Cook's "A Change is Gonna Come" - can you believe this future anthem was originally the B side? Seems Sam and the record company were scared to put it out in 1964. 

Fear of change creates interesting circumstances...sound familiar?    

Let's face it, change is a heavy lift. It is made even heavier by the strength of my own Will which is comfortable, if not happy, with the place I am at. So I need a little more help from my friend Jennifer Holliday.

When she sings "I Am Changing"  I am on stage singing right along with her. And there are even people applauding us at the end!

My friends work their soulful magic by nourishing me with their affirming incantations. Their songs strengthen the light shining on all our unlimited possibilities. Listening to their power assists me to powerfully focus on allowing change to manifest in my own life. 

What helps you make change easier?

Tag You're It!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Creating From Wholeness


"I am going to tell a story with great meaning. I am going to make you cry, then make you laugh." 
~ me to myself after dreaming strange things.


In my past I have created things (comedy, paintings, writing... even relationships) from a hungry place so I could feel worthy. Creation to fill emptiness, though still good stuff, is weighted down and stained. It is like taking a breath that is less than full with lungs hobbled by years of tobacco smoke. 

What would it be like to create from a different place - a clearer space - a place that was not so stained? 

What would it be like to be free of this addiction, this need to fill an emptiness, to get love, to feel OK? What would it feel like to create from a pure place of being?

I want to create from this space of already knowing I am loved, already knowing I am worthy, already knowing I am whole. I wonder what those creations will look like? I wonder if they will be different?  And I wonder what that would feel like? I wonder when the screen of broken-ness is removed from my imagination would there be more clarity, more joy, more flow - more art?

I wonder how is this done? 

Here is one idea...

"Very closely allied to the intuition is the faculty of imagination. This does not mean mere fancies, which we dismiss without further consideration, but our power of forming mental images upon which we dwell. These form a nucleus which, on its own plane, calls into action the universal Law of Attraction, thus giving rise to the principle of Growth. 

The relation of the intuition to the imagination is that the intuition grasps an idea from the Great Universal Mind, in which all things subsist as potentials, and presents it to the imagination in its essence rather than in a definite form. And then our image-building faculty gives it a clear and definite form which it presents before the mental vision, and which we then vivify by letting our thought dwell upon it, thus infusing our own personality into it. So providing that personal element through which the specific action of the universal law relative to the particular individual always takes place." ~ Thomas Troward

Dude - why to manifest!

What kinds of things do you wonder? Do you wonder things?

Tag You're It!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Requesting Relief



Loving someone is neither 'a trap' nor 'the answer.' It is a connection to Love. This truth allows for expansion of giving & receiving. Knowing this truth is a gift of great freedom and joy!

Struggling to stay content with all the great and wonderful aspects of the life I am living I am arrived at a crossroads. I am needing relief from paralyzing desire.

This desire is for a person, but it could just as easily be for anything that is unattainable or beyond your control. 

Desire is a sticky place. It will not let me go. I am caught up in a thicket of confusing old thoughts, feelings and experiences. They bind me tightly to the past and do not let me move on. 

I find this condition showing up again and again. And I chaff at how easily it quickens and absorbs all of my attention. The momentary elation I feel when I willingly climb back into this space is scarred by the truth of the thing.

It is from within this space of inner controversy - because I cannot have what I want - that I request some relief.

And I am, as usual, given what I ask for as I have asked from a place of acceptance and love.

Loving someone is neither 'a trap' nor 'the answer.' It is a connection to Love. This truth allows for expansion of giving & receiving. Knowing this truth is a gift of great freedom and joy!




Thursday, July 17, 2014

In the Stream




Today I am noticing my open heart is a garden where everything placed in it grows. And everything that comes from it nourishes. And when I relax into the flow of life, life provides all that I need easily and comfortably. 

LIFE is on my side!

What better motivation can there be to arrange things in your life so your heart space is the preeminent filter through which all things flow?

Tag You're It

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Enlightened Down South


The day is bright with possibilities after stretching and strengthening my back and my spirit. The instructor asked us to set our intention for the day. Was a beautiful yoga class @YogaGarden this am. 

My intention came to me quickly - "I allow Grace, Love & Abundance into my life." 

Seems like a no brainer. Of course we all want Grace, Love & Abundance. But you got to make them welcome. You have to know you are deserving of all things good. You gotta let them in! 

So I did just that, then I did my yoga and then I gave thanks for the free flow of Grace, Love & Abundance to me and from me towards others. That's what flow means - it is a give and take, a gracious sharing back and forth.

And then I took my new-age-yoga-doin-self out for a BBQ sandwich. Amen and pass the moist towelettes! This is enlightenment down south. Namaste Y'all.

How did you nourish yourself today?

Tag You're It!

Monday, April 28, 2014

The Bigger Picture May Be Hard to Swallow


"It’s like Mahatma Gandhi gets put in jail and they give him a lice-infested uniform and tell him to clean the latrines, and it’s a whole mess. And he walks up to the head of the guards and he says, in total truth, “Thank you.” He’s not putting them on or up-leveling them. He’s saying, “There’s a teaching here, and I’m getting it; thank you.” ~ ram dass


I have come to know that in most cases the experience I am having at any given moment is just one piece of it All. And I also know I will never fully understand the entire nature of how and why different things manifest into and out of my life. Knowing this is the cornerstone of Unconditional Trust. I hope you won't find this hard to swallow.

What is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude?

To become aware that all is well no matter your present circumstance is to experience Unconditional Trust. Actively living Unconditional Trust frees up thoughts and feelings from fear and lack and doubt and let's them soar toward compassion, wonder and new possibilities.

Having experienced loss on a grand scale (the death of my husband) and now more recently in several much smaller ways - a broken necklace, a busted computer, and the real loss of a job - I see there has been a shift. In the past my response to the sudden upsetting of my apple cart was sadness, anger or fear of future or failure. Within this new paradigm my response is that of the witness. I am more reflective. 

I catch myself before things get too far gone. I stop and question the truth of the thing. I look for real places where I can be grateful as life conspires to grow me up. And the best thing is the more I shepard myself toward this new knowing the more automatic it becomes. 

One by one I consciously wash away these reflexive emotionally charged situations and replace them with gratitude. Some may see this as giving up or giving in.  I am not giving up, I am getting on with it! This is an acceptance of what is and an active form of compassion for myself and all others. 

Conditions I see in front of me are only one piece of it. I experience Peace knowing this. So what is the relationship between Unconditional Trust and Gratitude? 

I think they are the same thing...

What do you think?

Tag You're It!

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Permission


A few synonyms for permission are: authorization, consent, leave, authority, sanction, license, dispensation, assent, acquiescence, agreement, seal/stamp of approval, blessing, clearance, allowance & empowerment.

Who gives us permission?  I have come to realize I have the power to give myself permission. Permission to love. Permission to heal. Permission to feel ALL the feelings that arise, not just the good ones. I know when I assent to this I burn off those parts of myself that hold me down. I also give myself permission to focus on those things that make me come alive so I can fly higher than I have ever flown before. Even if I do not know how...I allow it! 

Where can we go to get permission? I go to the dreams of my best life to get permission. I want so much to feel joy and have meaningful relationships. I give myself permission to feel and have all that I desire.

Why do so many of us feel we need permission? In the past I needed external approval to wash away the voice in my head that tells me I cannot have that, I do not deserve this, I am not worthy.

Now, and from this day forward, I give my permission to claim that which has always been *unbelievably* mine - a life filled with love and happiness. This is an internal thing. It is part of my foundation from which all other choices can be made and which supports my core of peace.

So it seems permission is very important. It allows so many things too manifest. 

What are your permissions? And if this is too tough a question. Here is an easier one. 

What will you no longer allow?

Tag You're It!


Friday, April 25, 2014

Going Deep


Everything starts with awareness. 

You can choose to be aware in any moment. 

Every moment is a new beginning. 

There are a myriad of moments and new beginnings in every day. 

This is one recipe for unlimited possibilities. 

On your mark. 

Get set. 

GO!

What is your first reaction to these ideas?

Tag You're It!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Normalization?


Life is beginning to make itself fuller with more activities to choose from. I am told this is how ABUNDANCE shows up! With these happenings I begin to wade back into the stream of life.

But I want to be mindful as the waters rise. Dog paddling through meaningless minutia is NOT part of this girl's plan. So I have been searching for a way to stay connected to that thing deep within me that is connected to everything else. For when I reside here the effect is truly calming and clarifying.

Recently I read about a practice called "Sadhana." I think this may be a good solution. Gonna try it and will report back later!

"Sadhana means "endeavoring to obtain a particular result." The result is accelerated spiritual evolution. Sadhana becomes a powerful method to achieve this result. There are three important aspects of sadhana: choice, commitment and aspiration. 

The first stage of sadhana is to choose a practice. Even the most simple sadhana will be challenging to the newcomer. Consider the sadhana of lighting a candle every night, then immediately blowing it out. Nothing more or nothing less. Do this for ninety days. You will observe the mind coming up with every reason why you shouldn't do it and every excuse why you missed a few (or many) nights. Yet by accepting it as a sadhana, you make a choice to do it and it becomes a spiritual practice. 

The second aspect of sadhana relates to regularity -- doing something at periodic intervals. This typically would be at the same time in the same place everyday. Yet it doesn't have to be everyday; it could be every other day or every Tuesday and Thursday, as long as it is regular. Doing practice irregularly is not sadhana. Once the schedule is selected, the challenge of sadhana is to stick with it -- not to miss the appointed time. This is the first measure of commitment. The second measure is to make a commitment for a specific period of time; that is, choose do the practice for thirty days, sixty days, ninety days, or even 108 days. Notice the level of your success, then take a break. Decide upon another practice (or the same one) and make another commitment. 

Choice and regularity are not the only aspects of sadhana. If they were, simply dressing every day would be a sadhana. We choose what clothes to wear and we do it. Dressing could be a sadhana, yet it is just a mechanical action done every day. 

Thus, the final key to a successful sadhana is conscious intention. This is where the power is generated, and more still, when the intention becomes an aspiration. When I first started my sadhana, I chose a simple action, that of the yogic practice of "neti", the washing of the nostrils with water. I had been doing yoga for many years but never as a sadhana. I had even been doing kriya practice for about a year, but never as a sadhana. I chose "neti" because every morning I took a shower in a typically mechanical way. Since I was immersed in streams of water, it became a convenient place and time to remember to do "neti". Besides, snorting water is one good way to shock the mechanism awake. 

For this to be a sadhana, however -- rather than just another cleansing action like washing behind the ears -- intention was necessary. The one I chose, the one I still employ in all the practices of my sadhana today, is represented by the simple statement: 'This is all I have to do to evolve spiritually.' Other variations included: 'This is the only practice I must do to spiritually grow.' 'This is the only act that I need to do to develop as a spiritual being.' With those words not only was an intention created around the practice, but an aspiration. 

For one moment each day, I became consciously aware of having a spiritual goal, of being a spiritual being. Consider once again the candle exercise cited above. Initially, it will challenge the mind and the ego. The spiritual 'you' may even win the battle, but to keep it from becoming mechanical, an intention is required. Try this variation. Light the candle. Say, 'This is all I have to do for the benefit of self, other, and the world.' Then blow out the candle. 

Doing no other practice than this will begin a transformation process that will alter your life. To add even more power behind it, consider this statement, 'This is all I have to do to remember who I am; I remember this for the benefit of Self, Other, and the World.' One immediate result of sadhana is the remembrance of 'who we are' rather than 'what we are' during the brief moments the sadhana takes. Repetitively remembering our inner essence nature is at the heart of all spiritual growth. One day we will remember our spiritual essence in every moment. That is the realized state. 

So start with a simple sadhana to build your confidence. Add another sadhana in addition to this one. Expand a sadhana to include many practices including yoga or other bodily movement, chanting or inner mantra, and kriya practice." ~Alan Verdegraal

How do you stay connected? Are you connected?

Tag You're It!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Asking the Mask a Few Questions


Where did you come from - this mask of mine? Are you planning on staying long? What purpose do you serve? Can I see underneath? How many others do I allow to peek? 

When you showed up was I aware of your coming or did you slide slowly onto my face as lichen attaches to shale living out it's life near a stream? 

Does your crust build up until all that is me becomes flat and featureless? Or are you so thinly layed down that the slightest breeze produces puffs of me floating on air? Perhaps our husks wax and wane according to circumstance? 

Today I honor this mask of mine however it came into being. It is born of me. It is a real appendage. It is made in my image and faces forward out into the world.

Whether I chose this mask or it just happened upon me, now that I am conscious of it's being I can use it how I like when I like and where I like. For it is part of who I am...and who I am not.

What purpose does your mask serve?

Tag You're It!

Friday, March 14, 2014

Vocabulary as Lesson


Won't you join me in a vocabulary lesson? Pull up a chair and set awhile. But be aware you may find that these little words scorch a space inside you that may be difficult to attend to in just one sitting. Or maybe not...

Here are a few words which describe Metaphysical ideas that may not be in the mainstream, but are no less worth some reflection. 

Are the ideas these words represent real, as in tangible? If they are not tangible, can they be intangible and still be real?

If imaginary, can these ideas be made real by living a life as if they are real?

Herein lies the magic!

1. Orenda
: extraordinary invisible power believed by the Iroquois Indians to pervade in varying degrees all animate and inanimate natural objects as a transmissible spiritual energy capable of being exerted according to the will of its possessor.

2. Satori
: sudden enlightenment and a state of consciousness attained by intuitive illumination representing the spiritual goal of Zen Buddhism

3. Charis
: is a given name derived from a Greek word meaning "grace, kindness".

4. Upaya
: Upaya (Sanskrit: upāya, literally "expedient means" or "pedagogy") is a term in Mahayana Buddhism which refers to a means that goes or brings one up to some goal, often the goal of enlightenment. The term is often used with kaushalya (कौशल्य, "cleverness"); upaya-kaushalya means roughly "skill in means". To be efficient, if not able to be complete, in explaining deep truths so as to reach others where they are presently standing.

5. Tao
: not a 'name' for a 'thing' but the underlying natural order of the universe whose ultimate essence is difficult to circumscribe. Tao is thus "eternally nameless” and to be distinguished from the countless 'named' things which are considered to be its manifestations.

Big questions, huh?

Tag You're It!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Enlightment at Gunpoint



Looking back, my Religious/Spiritual timeline begins with casual Sunday School for one summer followed by communion and a photo of me in a dress in front of a huge pink azalea. NO inner connections were made. Everything was external and ceremonial.

During my teen years I was hit by a car and felt my soul move away from my body - no tunnel, no bright light but clearly understood at that moment that there are distinct differences between the two. Still no internal connections were felt. It was just another fact of life.


From teen years thru college I relied on my wits and which way the wind was blowing. Still no existential thoughts, feelings, actions or questions. I graduated and had a successful career during my 20s and 30s.

I married somewhat late in life. My husband, a trained Physicist turned computer programmer, was decidedly scientific and I saw myself in complete opposition to his religious skepticism. Still neither he nor I took stands one way or the other. I just led a life of knowing all of life's challenges were somehow to be overcome (dare I say gifts). And in so overcoming growth was inevitable. We supported eachother and created a life together of ease and comfort. There was no need to look further than my own doorstep or my own nose.

Then he died. This is what can be termed "enlightenment at gunpoint." Then I wanted to know more. Then I needed to inspect myself and this life to help me make best choices and become adept at living differently than before. For the very first time in my life feelings were cascading from me and I needed to know how to deal with them.

So here I am today reading everything I can and spending more and more time introspectively coming to know "knowing" and what that means. In a way I see my evolution as familiar territory. I am again, like during my young adulthood, relying on my wits. And those "winds" that propel me forward today are most likely the same that sped me along my path then. I just experience them now as born of intuition for I am now more awake and living more deliberately.


Timelines can be illuminating!

Tag You're It!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Square 1




I am hoping this day finds you well and well loved in your lovely abode. I wrote this about one year ago. Seems appropriate to revisit it for I am feeling like I am here again - at square 1 - today.


February 10, 2013

I am approaching the beginning of week 3 of experiment Lani. I am finding that a planned activity  - just one mind you - for each day is a must have.

It allows the illusion of accomplishment.
And lends structure. I choose this "task" before going to bed the nite before. 

And I have optional tasks I can add if the mood suits. The objective is to keep  moving toward my goal - at a pace that fits me well, leaving room for flexibility and miracles.

What is my goal, you may be asking yourself? I ask myself this regularly because I ache to move on, Beats me! "Healing" comes to mind. I wish I had more clarity, but it is not to be at this time. "Ask again later," says the magic 8 Ball that has become my life. Not so bad really, just different than before.

Different than before my husband got sick. Different than before I helped my husband die. Different than before I quit my job. Different than before I was forced to look within because everything without is so... so... different.

January 22, 2014

A few things have changed. Most days I let flow w/o needing to accomplish something. I sometimes have multiple tasks per day and I sometimes have no tasks and am accepting of this.

I have an inkling I am going to teach again, but the initial enthusiasm is meeting with some resistance...more will be revealed! I have built in some external supports to help me along...but sure could use more support!

What is the same is the knowledge that everything is definitely different than I have ever known before.

Viva la difference - perhaps?

How are you different from a year ago?

Tag You're It!


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Far-Fetched Ideas

"That is a REALLY far-fetched idea," she was told by someone somewhere once upon a time. But who cares. It is a place to start. If we hold back in our imaginary places we are lost... without hope or at least moving forward only within our existing paradigms.  

Paradigm: Origin: 1475–85;  Late Latin paradīgma  < Greek parádeigma>  pattern 
(verbid of paradeiknýnai  to show side by side), equivalent to para- para-1  + deik-,  base of deiknýnai  to show (see deictic) + -ma  noun suffix

And while your existing patterns may be fine, if we are living consciously, we can examine these patterns. We can begin to pick and choose that which we enjoy and begin to discard the routines that no longer serve our evolving selves. 

Why not? I am sorry, have we something to lose here? Yes we do. Our crutches, our sleep walking ways, our corral which fences us in keeping us in the comfortable familiar place  looking always toward the ground and not the sky.

I will begin today by reminding myself of the good things I have collected in my life. We are a collection of what we love, are we not?  Here are the things I love...





The Beach, 
The dog, 
The children of friends,
The friends, 
The warm bed, 
The out reached hand, 
The clever word play,
The well painted eye of a rooster,
The deep and far reaching conversation,  
The love of a good man, 
The satisfied rolling over after a magnificent union, 
The morning light shining through neon tangerine and orange leaves, 
The walk to exercise my body and relieve my mind,
The far flung pass to the almost out of bounds receiver, 
The crunch of a crisp green salad with a vibrant homemade green goddess dressing, 
The completion of a task long avoided, 
The sun  - in any position in the sky, 
The low slung large harvest moon, 
The songs that make my eyes tear up or my body want to dance and 
The tears and the pee caused by uncontrollable laughter shared with anyone else who wants to play along.

This collection of lovely fragments and wisps remind me of who I am. Perhaps these Truths are the first step to revealing my deepest desires?  Finger's crossed. 

Today I will follow those feelings that tell me what I love and what I can do without from now on!

What is on your list?

Tag You're It!