Happy Valentine's Day!

I do not fit snuggly into a world built on principles of clock time and corporeal senses alone. I may appear eccentric if I write about things like "equanimity" and "straddling eternity." But it is in the effemera I feel most hardy. My strength seems to build upon itself in the light of my spirit.

What do I do with this new found thing - this core within - which consists only of sweet air, energy and feeling? This thing that has no structure or mass, no handles to grasp, no parts to which I can point? How do I manage to live a life based from an open heart?

I am coming to know when my heart throbs and feels weighty I am tapped into this thing. This actual heaviness in my chest is confirmation for me. It lets me know "this is important." It seems my body can tell me when I am here connecting to whatever this is - my Truth.

I am building strength toward being more awake and available. I look forward to the day this is, if not an automatic response, at least a familiar one. In this way, perhaps I can then manage to live more often from this place - a place Steve Winwood calls "a higher love." In this way, I figure, then every day will be Valentine's Day. 

Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day! 

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Lessons from the Farm

"…before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream." ~from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Perhaps everybody knows these 3 things, but they were never explained to me so viscerally or so well as they were today!

Ask and you will receive. 

Walking past Flash, the dark brown and white speckled pony who is second in line in the pecking order between Tophat and Skippy, I was not focused on him there in the side pasture. I was focused on the six slips of hay I needed to get and dispense in the back pasture on this gray blue December day. So no mind was paid to Flash and his water barrel. After getting the hay in all the right places and on my coat and fat wool knitted scarf, Flash had not budged from his barrel to go eat. I took note and fed the goats. 

Suddenly there was no question what Flash wanted to see happen. Oh so that's the reason the blue barrel is lashed twice round the fence post. Wordlessly he was knocking the thing again and again so I Iet him know I hear you, "OK, OK...I get it...must put water in the empty water barrel NOW!" Requiring confirmation he did not leave his post to get his breakfast until he saw with his own pony's eyes the barrel and hose joined and the water flowing.  Ask and you will receive. The farm taught me this. 

Make every step count. 

Watching a 60 gallon barrel become full...just watching it is a gift. Resting there with intermittent rays of sunlight noiselessly raking the pasture, the peace of that moment was unmistakably given and received. 

Looking back at Flash's barrel, I worked out the time. Not clock time. Not the time to catch a bus or to meet a date. I needed to know the best approximate interval to begin walking, walking around the goat pen past the garage through the stone gate on to the muddy patch and beyond the guinea hen's squawk to get to the pump to turn the off the water that was currently filling the bucket. 

Figuring in real time this distance and pace to walk so I can shut off the hose at that exact perfect moment the bucket is filled is my kind of fun! I love this soft squishy numberless calculus involving just woman and foot and practical physics. When I got back to the barrel it appeared I had done it. We were all filled up, Flash and me, he with his water and me with my Joy! Make every step count. The farm taught me this.

Turn it off at the source. 

Flowing water is a must around here. A hose with many junctions provides flow all over the farm. The cutting off of the flow at the source would eliminate extra work and avoid unwanted complications. Turn the water off at the source, not at a junction otherwise you will just have to do it again and again until you get it right. Turn it off at the source. The farm taught me this.

So glad I got up this am. Seems nature and the animals are full of the Truth of Life. And so grateful I am awake and studying - never know when I will be tested again!

What teaches you stuff?

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Creating From Wholeness

"I am going to tell a story with great meaning. I am going to make you cry, then make you laugh." 

~ me to myself after dreaming strange things.

In my past I have created things (comedy, paintings, writing... even relationships) from a hungry place so I could feel worthy. Creation to fill emptiness, though still good stuff, is weighted down and stained. It is like taking a breath that is less than full with lungs hobbled by years of tobacco smoke. 

What would it be like to create from a different place - a clearer space - a place that was not so stained? 

What would it be like to be free of this addiction, this need to fill an emptiness, to get love, to feel OK? What would it feel like to create from a pure place of being?

I want to create from this space of already knowing I am loved, already knowing I am worthy, already knowing I am whole. I wonder what those creations will look like? I wonder if they will be different?  And I wonder what that would feel like? I wonder when the screen of broken-ness is removed from my imagination would there be more clarity, more joy, more flow - more art?

I wonder how is this done? 

Here is one idea...

"Very closely allied to the intuition is the faculty of imagination. This does not mean mere fancies, which we dismiss without further consideration, but our power of forming mental images upon which we dwell. These form a nucleus which, on its own plane, calls into action the universal Law of Attraction, thus giving rise to the principle of Growth. 

The relation of the intuition to the imagination is that the intuition grasps an idea from the Great Universal Mind, in which all things subsist as potentials, and presents it to the imagination in its essence rather than in a definite form. And then our image-building faculty gives it a clear and definite form which it presents before the mental vision, and which we then vivify by letting our thought dwell upon it, thus infusing our own personality into it. So providing that personal element through which the specific action of the universal law relative to the particular individual always takes place." ~ Thomas Troward

Dude - why to manifest!

What kinds of things do you wonder? Do you wonder things?

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The Joy of Obstinance

No! I don't want to! No! I will not! These are the things I say to myself when I am feeling completely obstinate. It is a feeling of standing still and strongly opposing that which is said to be important or otherwise necessary. Well I do not care what they say, I am not going to go along. I am going to make a grimace with my lips while I grit my teeth and furrow my brow! I am clinching my fists and being a big fat baby and saying, "No way, not me, not now, no how!"

Is this something bad? Let's take another look. How often are we standing strongly? How many times are we so sure - down to our marrow - about something? Isn't this kind of attitude a clue telling us something about ourselves and the way we see our world? 

What if we maintain the same kind of strong stance but unclinch our fists?

What if we stop judging it from the outside and begin to look inside and underneath the experience? 

I find by doing this then somehow the thing and I are transformed. It is becoming more true that the thing I ENJOY not doing becomes my JOY in doing of the other. In accepting my stubborn stance I see the opposing side has become my friend. It shows me the way. And then - the strangest thing of all happens - the opposing thing just dissolves - POOF - and I am left in peace.

Turning things "outside in" like this is a new habit I am forming. Leaving off JUDGMENT for OBSERVING is the  essence of this new practice. Yes, I still go thru the usual angst of being human and not liking a place or a situation. But taking a moment to become a witness and really look at a thing is "good stuff making."

Have you ever turned things around? I would be curious to hear about it.

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Rinse and Repeat

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift…" 

~ Albert Einstein

Knowing this I ask again --- what does it feel like to receive unconditional love? 

Now without labeling, without using words or employing images - or memory even - can you summon up the feeling? Can you use your subtler senses to bask in It's immensity? 

Mmm mmm good! 

Now - as most shampoo bottles instruct - rinse and repeat. Rinse off the conditions in which you find yourself and stretch yourself to repeat feeling this feeling once daily.

It would be monumental if we could daily attend to our emotional and intuitive hygiene in this way. Taking a moment each day of our lives to rinse and repeat might allow our day (and thus our lives) to unfold more favorably. 

This is the manner in which I am living today. I am stretching myself beyond what is, letting go of business as usual and allowing what serves best to unfold before me. It is scary. It is uncomfortable. I have much less control, but I know that by attending to my emotional hygiene there is a much richer chance I might evolve toward a greater vision for my life than I can currently conceive.

Got any questions? Me too - loads. But gonna set them aside to feel my way forward today?

Could you let go - even just a little today - to make room for new possibilities?

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Monkeying around with Religion

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we see in them.” Thomas Merton

Thomas Merton was a trappist monk of the Abbey of Gethsemani, Kentucky, he was a poet, mystic and a student of comparative religion.

Some may have observed a recent shift toward writing about contemplation, religion and spirituality. The catalyst for this is an e-course called "Crafting your own Religion" in which I am a participate. It is being taught by Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul , amongst other books on religion, mind and spirit. 

Today the class was asked to consider perhaps taking a few practices from monastic or cloistered traditions toward crafting our own religions, i.e. taking a deeper dive into things! TM used the word "serious". This sounded serious to me suggesting we take religion seriously. And it felt like a red flag. I have never cottoned to folks who take religion too seriously. But leaning into something to craft a thing most to my own liking is the whole point of the class. So - from my heart - here are vows I might subscribe to and some text I might like to see illuminated in a manuscript.

Thomas Moore says, "Vows help us to avoid forgetfulness and distraction & anchor our vision." Here are my three simple vows:

To be responsible with all human relationships, i.e., be transparent, vulnerable, present & available

To do my best in all things without judgement or expectation

To laugh and be joyful

My scriptorium text (currently) would be 

"Don't think of yourself as an intestinal tract and a tangle of nerves in the skull, that will not work unless you drink coffee. Think of yourself as incandescent power, illuminated perhaps and forever talked to by God and his messengers... Think if Tiffany's made a mosquito, how wonderful we would think it was!" ~ Brenda Ueland 

The vows and quote above appear to advocate an innocence or child's eye view. But from my current perspective this is a fine and wonderful thing. For to partition off from our waking selves "childlike wonder" seems most forgetful indeed!

If you were to monk-ey around with monastic ways what would you do?

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Valentine's Day

I do not fit snugly into a world built on principles of clock time and corporeal senses alone. I may appear eccentric if I write about things like "straddling eternity." But it is in the effemera I feel most hardy. My strength seems to build upon itself in the light of my spirit. 

What do I do with this new found thing - this core within -which consists only of sweet air, energy and feeling? This thing that has no structure or mass, no handles to grasp, no parts to which I can point? How do I manage to live a life based from an open heart?

I am coming to know when my heart throbs and feels weighty I am tapped into this thing. This actual heaviness in my chest is confirmation for me. It lets me know "this is important." It seems my body can tell me when I am here connecting to whatever this is - my Truth.

I am building strength toward being more awake and available. I look forward to the day this is, if not an automatic, at least a familiar response. In this way, perhaps I can then manage to live more often from this place - a place of higher love. In this way, I figure then every day will be Valentine's Day.

Wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day!

Tag You're It!

Resistance

 

Lots of pain and lots of tears and lots of strategies employed to get through a rough patch. I am so weary of revisiting these dark places. But by claiming and naming them, by the simple passage of time, and with help from those who care about me - I am slowly coming back from this episode to a life I prefer to live. One of joy, peace, love, and laughter. 

Sumo Wrestlers, that's what I saw when I asked to see behind my pain this time. A small circular battlefield confined this fight between two powerful forces, each agreeing to resist the other. This was me against myself, refusing to give in to 'what is' and pushing against reality with all my might.

I must step aside. 

Instantly I knew by stepping aside the natural FLOW of things would be restored, the tiny battlefield would have the opportunity to once again become an unbounded playing field and I would begin to feel better. 

And so I have been working hard to maintain this stance of non-resistance. Yes, I know I have done this before, but I guess I am not done learning. It is not so easy for a strong willed woman such as myself to let go. And this lesson, like most of the important ones, has many levels to it.

Today I am a follower - a truth seeking giver of nurturing love. I am awake doing just what is in front of me and letting energy FLOW freely through me once again. 

Wonder how long this will last? No matter - there is only NOW to be concerned with anyway. This is the universal recipe for success of any kind!

"Unwanted Wisdom" that's what some call the stuff we get from painful life experiences. Really is true you know. The truth is we do not get to choose everything that happens to us. But we do get to choose how we react to what happens to us.

Are there things you have to keep learning and relearning?

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