There are six pots in my second story window box and one is not getting water due to an out-of-joint drip line. So a little dry brown sprig of dead Asparagus Fern sits stiffly up in the middle of five thriving vessels brimming over with tri-colored Ivys and red Impatiens. As I drive up to my house it waves at me welcoming me home. And I smile. I smile because I know it is OK until I get around to fixing it. And honestly - I am in no hurry.
It is my flag, my banner, my reminder that within all of everything there is some ugly stuff. And knowing this - I mean knowing in the deepest part of myself - I am comforted. And in accepting this life in all of it's manifestations, for me, brings ease to flow.
I am preparing myself for the hard days ahead - when dates will mean more than usual. In celebrating imperfection I am learning to stand my ground as I willingly allow all that comes my way to surge forth. This is how I am healing myself.
You see Michael, my husband now deceased, would have been 54 near the end of July. And it will be two years since his passing sometime in August. And I will celebrate my birthday in between these luminescent dates. Right now the calendar is not looking like my friend.
But I am finding strength in being conscious so as I encounter those things that wrench my heart sideways I can let them go and watch them pass. BTW - this does not hurt any less, but it heals more.
In deciding to enjoy a perfectly imperfect life this summer I can happily follow my joys at the same time I am grieving great loss. Contradictory things like this are in everyday life. My experience in revealing this truth, for me, is good stuff making!
This is why I can laugh as I look down at my freshly shaven legs today. I have left a tiny trail of hairs. a mohawk, front and center on my right shin. Just another sign "all is well" even if a bit uneven!
So tomorrow I will get on with it. I have a few chores to do. Got a second story garden to till, one leg to shave and a whole lot of healing to do.
What's on your to do list today?
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