Tuesday, March 13, 2018

What do you want?



"Many life experiences have a musical form, 
like endings that are not final 
or themes that return with variation." 
~thomas moore, author of "Seat of the Soul"

My, my, how time flies...and seems to stand still at the same time. David Byrne said it like this, "Same as it ever was..." And so it is, the struggle to get on with it - as if I had control over the timing of things.

I want...

What does it matter how I end this sentence?

Just the wanting itself is the thing. I recognize, from experience, that wanting a car, a house, or a cheeseburger is universally human and thus the easiest for us to share with each other and this is where we most often connect.

Wanting a thing is considered real in time and space, and is tangible. It also begets a rainbow of possible experiences brought about by the wanting. And then POOF! A desire of this nature, once achieved is often then replaced by another.

Then there is the wanting of an experience itself - like feeling completely understood or knowing deep love. This is the next level of desire. It is more soulful and sometimes well covered over so we don't even know it is there. Left in the shadows these desires create plenty of havoc. But when brought to the light they become very useful tools. 

This form of desire is sometimes considered real, is never tangible, does not exist in time, and begets an experience of itself! In addition to this self replicating phenomenon, there are a variety of forms from which this desire can manifest. Different circumstances are constantly coalescing to form my desired experience for connection, for love, and for joy. And I am finding this a rich way to live because at this level of desire actual people, places and things are so mutable. 

But this level still includes wanting...

And then, perhaps maybe on still a higher level of being, is the cessation of wanting. Often, lately, I have felt the desire to let go of wanting all together - to become aware that what is manifesting right now is perfectly fine and all there is. This is a new level of awareness. It is hitched to my request for experiences, but not so tightly bound so that I feel a need to control the outcome. 

Leaning into letting go has become my practice. Like rehearsing scales on a piano, I practice knowing these different levels of desire intimately as they rise and fall within me. I am cultivating a relationship with those of the higher nature. And I am using this awareness practice to flow toward more satisfying and harmonious experiences each and every day.

It is simultaneously, out of my hands, and all up to me. And I am fine with that.


What are you practicing? 

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Friday, January 19, 2018

Full Spectrum of Love

Photo by Jonathon Reid


"Sunset is still my favorite color. Rainbow is second." Mattie Stepanek


What is clouding my awareness of the full spectrum of Love? How do I greet the EVERYTHING and allow this Landscape of Love to unfold more fully? My talisman, my incantation, my newest prayer is "Yes, and..." Yes, I miss my loving and departed Mother since her passing. And I know she is still with me. Yes, my father, whom I dismissed so many years ago, never shared his heart with me. And he sits with me regularly to tell me of his unending Love. Yes, I am completely healed from the passing of my loving husband of 20 years. And I will always carry within me a still lake of tenderness that is easily waked. 

These are not the competing statements of a vacillating mind. They are the warm and gentle notes my heart sings about the mysterious workings of the Landscape of Love. They are comprised of acceptance, compassion, and a desire to know the full spectrum of the Landscape of Love. And they are the best words I can can bring together to explain this resurrected feeling of wholeness that is growing inside me.

Gone are the days that I beat myself, or somebody else, up after recognizing a feeling I judged as wrong or painful. Gone are the doubts that swirled inside me that spoke to my brokenness and raised an invisible white flag over my head which asked everyone to "PLEASE FIX ME."  

So as I take a deep breath... I engage in a new wiser way of being which dissolves "the other" in accordance with Love. I take off the shackles of "either/or thinking" which restricted my growth for so long. Yes, I see we are all Divine and Innocent souls deserving of Love and Kindness. And I begin with my Self.

What is your favorite color?


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