Essentially Especially You

"You are a unique being. It is not in your doing, it is in your being that matters. This is where the magic happens. Your doing is just the last step in the distillation of you."

I was fortunate enough to visit a lavender distillery this summer in France. There I saw how fields of fragrant flowers are grown, harvested and then distilled into essential oils. Tons of lavender placed in huge vats were subjected to heat and steam so the essence of this marvelous plant could be extracted as it's most potent expression.

Would it be an absurd leap to consider living as an act of or process by which we distill our lives?  A distillery is simply a vessel (ourselves) in which is collected a large amount of a substance (our unique and highest visions for ourselves) in order to extract the most potent essence of the thing (a magnificent life!) 

Thank you for indulging my fragrant imagination!

In the past just taking what the outside world had given up was my way. Not a wit nor care did I give to the banquet of choice before me. This is just how I was taught it worked.

But what if...what if we have it backwards? What if our experiences could be distilled by carefully cultivating our visions of what we THINK is possible? What if CHOICE mattered more than circumstance to our field of dreams?

What if I start inside myself - with my hopes to give and receive love, with my desire to live in beauty and feel amazed or with my requirement to know I am safe and all is well?

In these past three years, since my husband's death, I have been actively collecting visions of my highest and most heartfelt desires and consciously choosing to declare them manifest. And you know what - they did indeed become distilled into some mighty potent experiences.

And the more I become aware that the happenings around me are simply the proof of what's seeded within me I am convinced this is the way of things. This is how we were meant to live - powerfully manifesting that which we can imagine. Not by knowing how, but by simply knowing ourselves and what we want from and for our lives.

For me, unlearning things taught, re-learning what works best and choosing to constantly question the Truth of what I see before me has helped me tap into the sweetest elixir of my lifetime. And it is comprised merely of all that I am and all I desire.

Our experiences are the distillation of our beliefs and self-defined limitations. This is the recipe for the most potent essence of "what is" in a life! Yes - it starts inside. And I expect it will end inside as well. I think this is called "introspection."

Have you diluted your essence by defining yourself by your external circumstances alone? Are you polluting your essential self with doubts and fears or by simple inattention? What are you putting into the pot that is then purified and extracted as the life you are living? Are you distilling the most potent possibility of you there is? Here's to finding your own way towards creating the essential you!

How do you include active introspection as part of your daily routine?

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Without Boundaries

"One must learn the patience of right timing but that patience itself is an active participation in the rhythm and balance of the Divine stream of life." ~david spangler

How am I without boundaries? Does South mean sweet tea and biscuits and North mean bagels and coffee? I have come to see that geography has less traction than new and old beliefs which take hold in me.

I am a person who cares deeply about how her hair looks, loves AC and red ripe tomatoes with mayo – is that Southern? You tell me. Yonder is a place I no longer go. Here and now is where I am meant to be.

Perhaps I am Northern in a Deepok Chopra way. It is within the cool colored chakras above the heart where I like to play. That’s where my peace and proclivities lay.

It is really hard to do, but I want to care less about stories, illusions and possibilities and care more about what is right here in front of me. I want to work hard to see and be the still eternal unchanging Truth among a steady stream of ripples and tides. I am sure this is where my lessons are. I am a work in progress of no particular hemisphere.

What are the things that bind us together - death and life, taxes and Facebook? Certainly not Facebook. So many things to Like and yet so many impersonal monsters breathing faithless fires and breeding so many half-true friends.

Geographical lines are flung out into space as we entertain each other with cats wearing hats and placards of uplifting crap. The bottom line is I am of this world and so are we all - each of us creating and dissolving our boundaries as we go.

My boundaries are more fragile and less sharp than ever. I have been training myself to trade judgment for wonder and expectation for joy. This exchange has swooshed me down a transcendent trail. A trek that has along side it a sun speckled waterway into which I am willingly flung.

Floating merrily merrily down that stream in my big blue-black inner tube, I bob boundlessly with the flow. 

I cannot tell you how long it will take me to reach the end - that place down stream where my imaginary friend has parked our trusty and even more imaginary jeep. But it does not matter as I have given up goal setting too. 

I am experiencing just being plopped in the center of the whole, suspended and positioned just so - so I can only look up as I go.

I am manifesting Peaceful Patience as I look for the Truth in all things. It will show me the way.

What are you manifesting?

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Is NOW enough?

"Could there be a preciousness and value to existence stemming from the very fact of its temporary duration?" ~alan lighman

What if that was all there is? What if it ended there? Would that be enough?

It was perfect.

The anticipation and then the meeting up a second time. All the stories, the descriptions, the listeneing to and answering of questions. The way you held your fork - then my hand, the short but long walk to our cars parked right next to eachother. And the eggs and coffee of course. 

It was perfect.

What if that was all there is? That kiss goodbye, that hug?

Why isn't NOW enough? 

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Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and 3 Guys Named John

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.” 

~john muir

Have you ever arrived at a point in your life - when you mandated a change must be made? This is a reminder that it is in the everyday ordinary in which we live. And it is here where we can make a difference - not anywhere else.

For me this means taking each moment provided me, each ordinary-regular-fill-your-tank-with-gas, grab-a-bite-to-eat and go-to-work-to-pay-your-bills moment and being present with it as much as possible. Not anticipating the good or the bad of it, but feeling my way forward with heart and soul. Filtering the ordinary through non-judgmental loving kindness and taking a stand for joy and ease. And by making a pledge toward this aim just like "with liberty and justice for all."

It is from this context I am righting my own personal ship of state. "Come on, Lani," I hear you thinking, "This is more of that positive-thinking-bullshit - isn't it? 

...not if you live it. 

Not if you take it out of your head and turn it into your experience. That is when what you think manifests into real world stuff. No need to take my word for it. Do the experiment for yourself. Make a commitment to a new context.

You may not have realized it, but your doing it anyway. Your life is lived either within a default context made for you by circumstance or within a context you decide upon and give your full attention to. And when you decide to shine a light on that context you will find things do get easier and you are a lot less lost. You will be able to measure any situation against it. Choices become easy as your declaration to "live a life of peaceful serenity" or "live in joy and ease" becomes your guide.

How does one choose a new context? No one can do it for you. You must ask for inner guidance. If you have never done that before here is how John Pendergast describes that process...

"The mind likes a simple yes or no, yet life presents itself in endless shades of gray. A creative response will be nuanced and unique for each situation. If we are unsure of our next step or puzzled by something, it is good to slow down and check inside for guidance. I have learned that there is an art to sitting with a question that catalyzes the emergence of a deeper intelligence. The first step is to clarify the question. What are you really asking? Take time to make it as clear as possible. Once you have formulated it, pose it to yourself and then be quiet. It is like dropping a stone into a pond- toss it in and then watch the ripples. Don't look to your thinking mind for an answer. This is not an analytic process. Let your attention rest in your heart center. A response can come from any direction- a felt sense, a waking or dream image, an emotion, or a direct knowing. If the response feels resonant, act on it and see how it works out."

Picking just one context from which to live is the way to go. MORE THAN ONE DILUTES AND CONFUSES. Seek out that which matters to you most at this moment and make a simple declaration, one that can be made in a single sentence. This is what you are after. Do not feel constrained that this declaration must become your family's motto in perpetuity and be engraved on a crest or a stone. This declaration is for now. It is not forever.

When you make a declaration you become powerfully focused and clear. Then you can say "yes" and "no" to people and mean it because you can gauge your answer from within your new context.  It is then, and only then you will begin to actively change the trajectory of your life because you will be standing in your natural truth and not anyone else's.


Nature stands in it's own truth every day without equivocating. If you still find it challenging to tap into where your truest nature stands here are some helpful words from John O'Donohue to help you...

Celtic wisdom was deeply aware that Nature had a mind and spirit of its own. Mountains have great souls full of memory. A mountain watches over a landscape and lures its mind towards the horizon. Streams and rivers never rest; they are relentless nomads who claim neither shape nor place. Stones and fields inhabit a Zen-like stillness and seem immune to all desire. Nature is always wrapped in seamless prayer. Unlike us, Nature does not seem to suffer the separation or distance that thought brings. Nature never seems cut off from her own presence. She lives all the time in the embrace of her own unity. Perhaps, unknown to us, she sympathizes with our relentless dislocation and distraction. She certainly knows how to calm our turbulent minds when we trust ourselves into the silence and stillness of her embrace. Amongst Nature we come to remember the wisdom of our own inner nature."

As I am made from nature and conceive of myself as part of the interplay with nature I accept the challenge to move organically through my life freely and unbounded like nature. I have gleaned much wisdom from walking in nature. From a mature tree struck down in a forest slowly becoming a fine and fertile host for the growth of another or from feeling a stand of saplings stalwartly guarding and guiding me along a strange new path. 

I hope I have given you a place to start and introduced you to the tools you already possess to manifest your own extraordinary life. 

It is amongst the ordinary I have found the extraordinary. There's no where else it could be!

Can life be both regular and extra special at the same time?

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Create From Inside Out

"Truth itself is something you live, not something you think."

~martha beck

How about them apples? You can say anything you like. You can think all day on a subject. And you can feel as happy or as sad as you like. But it is the actual manifestation of what is in front of you that shows you your Truth.

The rest is meaningless.

Can it really be that simple? As I look around at my life, I am surrounded by loving folks who care about my well being and I care about theirs. And who's company and good humor I enjoy. I am safe and secure and have just to ask for anything I really need and in most cases I or someone else provides it to me. And I am constantly creating new opportunities for joy and beauty to be experienced in this world.

Who knew just describing the life you have in front of you right NOW could show you the beliefs from which you are working? I know this life I am living is meant to be Joyful and Easy. I have worked diligently paying attention to examples of this in my life and have made a point to be grateful for each significant occurrence along those lines.

It was not always like this. Before my adventures in "paying attention" life simply occurred and I went where circumstance took me. The idea "that I manifested what was before me" was no where in my belief system. All I knew was every now and then I needed to react to a circumstance in front of me and every know and then I had to make a hard choice. I never knew everything was my choice and I could even choose before stuff happened to adjust the trajectory of my life!

Oh, by the way, I also know I am powerful and in the driver's seat.

And thus, over the past three years, I have proved my belief to be true a sufficient number of times - enough to have actually changed my life to resemble the beliefs I am holding.


What Truths would you like to hold for yourself?

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Attachment

"Susnset in a Glass" Photo by Alice Reid 2015

"You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather."

~pema chodron

Letting go of attachment is enlarging my experience of love. Unconfined Love can be totally free to embrace without fear of losing anything or anyone. It can just be love. That is a good thing...right? Having a broader vision of what love is and can be is a great aspiration...right?

Then why does it frighten me so? What is it I feel I will lose when I loosen my grip? On letting go of needing confirmation of my own worthiness. On letting go of requirements and ownership and rules of engagement.

Am I more connected or less connected? 

I have no idea. 

Perhaps if I continue to lean into this, toward having more experiences with loving this way, it will show me the way...

What are you experimenting with?

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Healing Is Available Right Now!

"The wound is the place where the light enters you." ~rumi

I worked really hard on becoming numb in all the acceptable ways. I turned on the television and watched familiar shows until they just became color and noise. I ate and ate and ate until there was no more empty room left on the inside of me. At one point I even had things that I had put in my mouth coming out in the other direction. It just happened once, just when I coughed, just for a moment - nothing serious. So I actually dismissed it as an accident, a fluke, a freak occurrence and not as a manifestation of something 'needing to come up.' And then to make sure my numbing was complete I stayed up way too late.  

This awareness is what I awoke to this AFTERNOON! Yes - it had worked, all my senses had congealed around me like some sallow dense stuff you rinse off a canned holiday ham. Only I am the ham! So aside from feeding the dog, doing the dishes and taking care of the bare minimum I am recovering from numbing myself so gorge-essly.

Why did I feel I had to again make sure I was not going to feel anything? What triggered this infatuation with sensory death? 

Because I really wanted an answer I posed this question to that transcendent part of myself. The part of myself that sees farther and loves more deeply. I went home in my mind and to my heart and asked "why am I numbing myself again?"

To make space for the answer I had to wake up.  So I used the wake up tools I had at my disposal - my own hands and my breath. By placing my hands gently on my heart and simultaneously breathing in slowly I sent a signal I meant business. 

I have been doing this for three years now - this deliberate set of mannerisms. To be very specific the body gestures are breathing in deeply through my nose alone, consciously keeping my mouth closed and holding my heart space with my hands. I have trained myself to listen deeply in this manner. 

At first is was simply a way to calm myself when great waves of pain and grief showed up. It helped me to accept a highly electrically charged moment and assisted me in moving the most difficult emotions along to their completion. In short this simple practice saved my life. 

Over time, as uncertainty became a regular thing, I found I could count on this practice whenever I recognized some discomfort or a shift occurring. This "heart and breath thing" was a healing path between what was happening all around me and what was happening inside me. 

This path has become a place. It is a sweet, warm and familiar source of comfort and calm. At the time I had no idea I was creating an opening to a trusted reservoir of new insights that would help me on my way toward real and transcendent growth.

This path is where my work gets done. Just like the way we go to work each day - horizontally on roads and streets, I travel this familiar path - vertically from form to spirit and back again, to help me do my work. The work of manifesting the best life I can imagine, one lived everyday in Joy and Ease.

So with hands in place, breath flowing and my eyes closed - did I mention closing the eyes? - it is to this trusted space I turned to see what's up with the numbing thing. And I am sure the answer will come. And I will grow some more!

Where do you go when you are awake?

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