Closing the Gap

"This new-ish internal gyroscope is being built within me. It invites me to balance things out more easily. Still no itinerary. Still no destination. But lots of budding awareness' to make note of --- like Darwin, uncovering Origin of Species." 

~me from first blog post on november 5, 2013

How far apart are who you are and what you want to be? I am right there - a bullseye! Creating this crazy life that asks for everything I desire and works toward being joyful and surprised has somehow become my reality. Somehow the gap for me has closed tremendously!

How did this happen? 

I recall it started by choosing to be Deliberate. It was in a class and we were asked to pick a quality we wished to embody. Did not have any exacting designs for what I was going to be deliberate about, I just wanted to take hold of my life and make sure that anything that happened from that point forward would be of my own choosing. The catch? There is always a catch. I had to let go of knowing what I expected my life to look like.

Thus I entered a new state of ALLOWING.

As I think about this now, it was this Grace that allowed me to aspire less toward concrete manifestations of life and more toward ephemeral sensations of living. The everyday choices about food, money and shelter were important - yes. But they became only secondary. My larger focus - to be Deliberate - became primary. Thus I began a life that gave up on hoping for the best and chose a life to be the best I could desire.

From that point on I began to ground myself. Attention was given to signals my nervous system sent to my body, to the messages of yearning from my soul's heart and to the dream world that sang softly to me at night and in the early morning hours. I gave them a voice - a say in what came next.

In giving these invisible aspects of myself more weight they became my guides…my trusted guides. Like any new relationship it took time to build that trust. At first they helped me to discern best practices and procedures for living my life day to day. Gradually I learned I would receive a useful answer to any question if I just posed it in a meaningful way to this new guidance system I was developing. 

This inner listening begat outer doings. And thus slowly profitable experiences were built up, encouraging doing more of the same. So you see I was creating the life I wanted while simultaneously living the life I currently had. And my emotions, desires and dreams, things I had judged as peripheral, became vital to me as my way of connecting places of spirit to places of concrete and corporeal form. It took some time, but I became one who manifests.

So now I know these semi-tangible organs - my emotions, desires and dreams - reside within me. And I am living from inside out! As I continue to build up my ability, my awareness to these my guides, I know they will always lead me toward that place where I feel at home...safely unbounded and free.

I still do not have a destination, but every day I am more and more OK with that because where I am right now is just fine!

How far apart are who you are and what you want to be?

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