Memory Lapses

Would I prefer to lose my memories than to suffer through the grieving process? Just for a moment I'll give this notion some extra attention. The idea swam into my head after reading about a man who's doctor/friend annually gives him an end of year check up. It is an informal question and answer thing, one of which involved a quickly administered memory test.

That got me thinking that it is the memories of my past life that brings up the tears. What if I could just wipe them out. No more tears. No more missing a life now over. No more worries about fading memories I wish I could make sure never to forget. No more Michael.

Just not an even trade. We are a sum of all that has gone before and I like what my life adds up to so far! Where would I be if I had not met and lived with this man for seven years? Where would I be if he had not married me in 2000? 

I am working with what is and what is - is that I had a wonderful companion who agreed to grow with me. It was always till death do us part - wasn't it?  

And now I am growing on my own again. 

At least growth is still on the table. I miss you Michael. We really did it all, didn't we? Happy New Year! I love this photo from Times Square NYE 2002!

Are there memories you would do without?

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